Ted Turner thinks we will all become cannibals if we don't solve the global-warming crisis, though he also owns a private jet and a Hummer. Everyone who showed up for the casting of Paris Hilton's upcoming MTV reality show looked like Paris Hilton (or was gay). The wedding of Beyoncé and Jay-Z didn't get good play in the weekly tabloids either because editors don't think black people move covers or because none of the mags landed exclusive photos. The naked Carla Bruni portrait sold for $91,000 at Christie's, though a nude Gisele photo went for $193,000.

Two of Howard Stern's sidekicks got into brawl at the studio, which resulted in Artie Lange's quitting the show. Rihanna and Chris Brown keep denying that they're a couple but keep acting like they're dating. The ex-wives of Jason Kidd, Patrick Ewing, and Eddie Murphy got together to discuss a reality show. Tina Fey says she didn't read Christopher Hitchens's Vanity Fair piece on why women aren't funny because the topic is "old and unnecessary." Cindy Adams wants credit for reporting that Katie Couric is out at CBS News back in September. Charlie Sheen's fiancée, Brooke Mueller, is trying to get pregnant and also rocks a huge yellow-diamond engagement ring. Robert De Niro and his producing partner, Jane Rosenthal, jumped ship from CAA to Endeavor. Kathy Freston, wife of former Viacom head Tom Freston, calls up fancy restaurants like La Bernadin ahead of time so they can prepare her vegan meals. The ex-husband of Princess Anne, U.S. Olympic equestrian coach Mark Phillips, is coming under fire because three riders have died while attempting to qualify for the games. (Also, he's seen as a "regal wannabe poseur" in Britain.) Cosmo will attempt to break the world record for "largest swimsuit photo shoot" next Friday in Miami. Rosie O'Donnell went to go see her friend Ellen Burstyn star in Little Flower of East Orange at the Public Theater. Vera Wang and Jeff Zucker were among the guests at the bat mitzvah of Sasha Bronfman, daughter of Lisa Belzberg and Matthew Bronfman.