It's bad enough that New Yorkers have to watch absolutely, positively the worst team in the history of professional sports, but now we're going to subject one of the greatest Shakespearean actors of our generation to them as well? They'll be playing the Celtics on Monday, so at least there'll be one good team in the gym, but seriously. Patrick Stewart is going to think basketball is the ugliest, least balletic game imaginable, one in which clod-footed New York jackasses embarrass themselves against a team that should theoretically be their greatest rival.

Let's put it this way: If we were introducing Patrick Stewart to American Shakespeare, would we take him to Macbeth, as performed by the Blaine Community Players? Hell no! For the sake of New York's pride, couldn't David Stern spring to beam Jean-Luc Picard to the Golden State–Phoenix game instead? —Dan Kois