Donny Deutsch's show isn't doing so hot. Its ratings on CNBC are down 15 percent from last year, and sometimes his viewership is so low it doesn’t even register on the Nielsen scale. So it would be a good time for the Big Idea host to agree to a fluff profile, right? Maybe in the alumni magazine of his alma mater, the Pennsylvania Gazette. They're sure to say something nice. They have to! Or maybe not. In this month's issue, magazine writer Jordana Horn gives Deutsch the Observer treatment, allowing the former adman to make himself look kind of ridiculous. The article leads with Deutsch stripping off his shirt during the interview and boasting that he could be mayor of New York if he wanted. “You know, if I really wanted to do it, I would meet with a top advisor. I’d find some great political operatives, and hire the head of my campaign,” Deutsch said. “I’d meet with all the top people I know on Wall Street, and start a fundraising campaign.” Horn, to her credit, does a pretty good job of ignoring his "not-bad set of abs for a 50-year-old guy" and presses him on the mayor point. “You gotta say, why not me?” Deutsch persists.

It's probably not surprising that Horn seems to loathe Deutsch after this moment. The title of her story is "Why Not Him?," and you almost suspect her implied answer is, "Because He's a Turd Goblin."

We didn't catch Conan O'Brien last night because at the time it aired we were at a Nylon party with Blake Lively and Penn Badgley from Gossip Girl, craning our necks to see if we could catch them smooching. (We didn't.) But today we managed to find the above clip of their co-star Leighton Meester giving her debut performance on the show. Despite our deep abiding love for Leighton/Blair, we were not terribly impressed. She basically spends the entire segment giggling, which eventually even makes Conan nervous. It's like she's become the anti-Blair. This is not what she seems to be like in real life, so the poor girl must have been very nervous. You really have to watch it. For a while we were convinced it was actually Rachel Bilson onstage and someone at NBC had made a terrible mistake.

Conan the Barbarian Pervs on 'Gossip Girl' [BlackBook]

As we mentioned earlier, yesterday Ashley Alexandra Dupré — a.k.a. "Kristen" — emerged from her PR holding cell somewhere in Jersey and ventured into Manhattan's irresistible spotlight. Actually, it was at Port Authority where she finally came back to us, and naturally she was greeted by some doting Post photographers. We wanted to share those precious moments with you, so that you might lovingly commit them to memory. Who knows when you might see a Fendi belt that big in broad daylight again.

Earlier: Kristen Is Back!

Bill O'Reilly last night mentioned the old clip of himself from Inside Edition that has been making the rounds on the Internet this week. The clip shows him exploding in anger over a malfunctioning TelePrompTer. Above, you'll see he mentions it in passing, describing his nutty rage as a "state of displeasure." "I, your humble correspondent, have plenty of much newer stuff, because by contractual obligation I have to create a few dramas every year for the amusement of my co-workers," he jokes. "They'd quit if I didn't do that." That's funny, Bill. We thought they quit when you did create drama. Anyhoo, after the jump, our favorite new YouTube spinoff, the "Bill O'Reilly Flips Out DANCE REMIX." Courtesy of, where else, gay-news blog Towleroad.

Today Channel 4 anchor Sue Simmons tells the Post that she was not drunk on the air when she dropped the F-bomb on Monday. The tabloid claimed that the popular New York news mainstay used to head to Gallaghers or Jean Georges between the 5 p.m. and 11 p.m. broadcasts and get tipsy. But today, she denies the story: "I haven't had an alcoholic drink between shows for at least 15 years or more," she says. "Not one word of [the Post story] is true." The original tabloid tale was titled "SILLY SUE A SALTY SWILLER," which is, admittedly, awesome. But today's headline read: "SUE FUMES OVER NEWS OF BOOZE." Not "Sue Denies Booze Story," or something that indicates that it may have been wrong. She's just mad about the fact that the Post figured it out, you see. Luckily, the tabloid's eternally polite cartoonist Sean Delonas doesn't let silly things like denials get in the way of his art. Above we see the insanely insulting evidence of his gusto. Apparently, not only is Sue Simmons a drunk, she's also a smoker, maybe a gambler, and possibly a whore. And she cries when she drinks, which is the worst offense of all. If we were her, we'd pull a Col Allen and go over to the Post and kick some ass. Since when do they have the right to get all judgey over drinking during work hours?

SUE FUMES OVER NEWS OF BOOZE [NYP]

There are few places in New York more anonymous than the grimy Port Authority bus terminal. Most of us could comfortably loll around the First Stop Last Stop Café for days without seeing a familiar face. But America's best-loved prostitute, Ashley Alexandra Dupré, a.k.a. Kristen, is not so lucky. Kristen's been holed up at her mom's house in Wall, New Jersey, ever since it was revealed that she boned governor Eliot Spitzer for $4,300 and, perhaps more shamefully, once appeared in a Girls Gone Wild video. But yesterday she took a bus into Manhattan — only to run smack into a Post reporter the second she got there. What a coincidence! According to the Post, Kristen "freaked out" when approached by a reporter and photographer, but they did manage to get a few good pictures. Luckily for Kristen, for this bus journey she had chosen not to wear cruddy sneakers and a Juicy Couture sweatsuit but a decidedly camera-ready belle du jour ensemble: a pencil skirt and Jackie O sunglasses accessorized by a massive Fendi belt, so at least she looked good while being violated by the cameras. That Kristen. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or maybe the right place at the right time?

See the photos from the incident here.

Kristen Shows What She's Got [NYP]