If you’re like us and you prefer not to vomit all over your keyboard whenever you log on to a news Website, you’ve probably had about enough of this ongoing story revolving around a deranged Austrian dad who (spoiler alert: if you have a pretty decent opinion of the human race, it will be spoiled by reading further) locked his daughter in a secret underground lair and raped her, to the tune of seven children (one of which died, three of which never saw the world outside the incest dungeon), over the course of 24 years. We could probably understand the justification for making this news when it first came out: The pure shock, plus the feat of finding the newest most despicable person in the world — these are the two major components of most cable-news stories. But this has gone on way past its expiration date. CNN has featured the story so often that they need only to refer to “Incest Dad” in the headlines. (Needless to say, they don’t give you the T-shirt option on that one.) Look, CNN, MSNBC, whoever: We get it. This dude is terrible. But we seriously doubt there is anybody clamoring for this trickle of new, horrible details you’re supplying on a daily basis. Please never cover this again. —Dan Amira

Incest dad: I cared for my secret family [CNN]