Richie Randazzo was, to put it as gently as possible, kind of a loser. The 44-year-old still lived with his parents in Brooklyn, and when he wasn't busy opening doors for rich people in his job as a Park Avenue doorman, he was buying scratch tickets. Not that anyone expected he would ever win. "I told him he was throwing his money in the garbage," his mother told the Daily News. Then one day, he won $5 million dollars. He called his parents, who were on vacation in Florida. "We're rich!" he shouted.

Time was, this story would have a heartwarming, fairy-tale ending. Randazzo would have moved straight into the building where he worked, hired his neighbor Amy Fine Collins as a social secretary, and spent the rest of his days lying on a divan and being fed truffles by Gisele. But now? It's kind of depressing. Because none of that will happen. Because $5 million doesn't make you rich anymore. To paraphrase Brandon Davis — we know, sorry — in Manhattan, someone with that much money is practically poor.

And so. Randazzo will continue to work at his building, though he won't be living there — the only apartment available is going for $9.95 million. Maybe he can get something in Queens?

Movin' On Up? [NYP]