Michael Lohan denies that he up and left Kristi Kaufmann, the woman who claims to have a 13-year-old daughter with him, and says he'll file a defamation suit against her if the paternity test is negative. (The Post has more on the mystery girl, Ashley Kaufman.) Beth Ostrosky's boobs almost came out of her Chloé dress at a screening for The Wackness, but they didn't. Sandra Bernhard ripped her former friend Madonna for five straight minutes while performing in Toronto. (Liz Smith reports that Madge doesn't allow air-conditioning at her practice studio in Williamsburg.) David Zinczenko, Dan Abrams, and Woody Johnson were among the guests at the book party for Lara Shriftman and Elizabeth Harrison out in Southampton. Senate Majority Leader Joseph Bruno and former Hearst president Victor Ganzi dined together at Patsy's and joked about retirement. Real Housewives' Jill Zarin and Ramona Singer cut in front of guests to get into a part at the Estate in the Hamptons. Blake Lively finds it upsetting that some people compare her to Paris Hilton just because she has blonde hair and a dog.

The American Conservative's Taki Theodoracopulos won the World Judo Championships in Brussels in the 70–75 age group. Beloved West Village lesbian bar Rubyfruit is closing. Pete Wentz says he makes out with dudes because it's slightly sexually rebellious. Socialite Phyllis Mack bought two adjacent apartments from two different owners on Park Avenue for a total of $20 million. Young Jeezy has endorsed Barack Obama, but he became a fan of John McCain after meeting him on the set of Saturday Night Live last month. Barack and Michelle Obama enjoyed the eight-course tasting menu at Spiaggia in Chicago. (No wine, but they did have a few martinis.) The American flag at the Fire Island Pines gay beach resort has been replaced with the flag of California in honor of the state's legalization of same-sex marriage. Joshua Jackson talked on his cell phone while walking around in Soho. Kirsten Dunst dined sans makeup at Freemans. Colin Farrell smoked a cigarette outside of Baraonda.