Christopher Ciccone's book about his sister, the pop star Madonna, comes out tomorrow. The book (cleverly titled Life With My Sister Madonna) has been all over the gossip pages for a few weeks now. ABC has an excerpt today, "Page Six" called it "devastating" last month, the Daily Mail said it was "blistering", etc., etc. The general sentiment is that the book will reveal that (1) Madonna's marriage is struggling, (2) Madonna is a cutthroat businessperson, (3) Madonna cares only about herself, and (4) Madonna is kind of a bitch.

To which we say: "Um, yeah?" EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS THAT. How come Christopher Ciccone, the artist's own brother, is the last one to realize it?

If someone out there writes a book about how Madonna has a flawless marriage, has no ego, doesn’t care about money, and has the personality of Mother Theresa, then we'll perk up and pay attention. Until that time, leave us alone!

Excerpt: 'Life with My Sister Madonna' [ABC]