Rockefeller Auguste, a 35-year-old designer at an architecture firm, thought his wife was cheating on him. They got in a fight, and she moved out. But he didn't want to just, like, divorce her, especially since she still had the $27,000 ice rink of an engagement ring he gave her. So he did what any sensible man in his situation would do: He hired a hit man and asked him to cut off her hand with a samurai sword. He even gave him the samurai sword special since, you see, that's how it had to be done, because — wait, WHAT? Auguste's plan was ultimately foiled — his hit-man connection apparently set him up with an undercover cop, the Daily News tells us — but there are still so many unanswered questions here. Such as: Why not an ax or a regular Wüsthof steak knife? And could he not just cut off her finger? Developing. In the meantime, feel free to leave your theories in the comments.

Cops foil hubby's 'samurai' plot to kill spouse and get her wedding ring [NYDN]