We totally bullied the folks over at Entertainment Weekly into giving us an advance copy of their Gossip Girl cover story, which doesn't come out till tomorrow. It was super-easy — we just told them we'd tell everyone about the time they got diarrhea in Barnes & Noble if they didn't hand it over. Oh, oops. Anyway, we immediately regretted reading it: The beginning is kind of blah blah ratings, blah blah Blake Lively and Leighton Meester don't really hate each other, and then the second half is packed with spoilers about the current season. We're dying to tell you all of them, but as you may know, we don't condone skipping ahead, and even though we sinned, we don't want to wreck it for you. If you want to denigrate the Greatest Show of All Time for yourself and buy Entertainment Weekly tomorrow, that is between you and our god Josh Schwartz. That said, we couldn't resist bringing you this excellent nugget about a magical moment between Dan and Chuck in an upcoming episode.

MOTHER BASS. Can you believe it? We have never even thought about Mother Bass. We really feel like the whole world is full of new possibilities now. What other potential relatives could suddenly appear? Rufus and Lily's illegitimate daughter Trent? Blair's fat older sister Phyllis? Serena's evil twin? Our minds are racing. We have to go lie down.

Earlier: Gossip Girl Says 'Chuck You' To True Love