Troubled by the whole Trig Palin thing? Not as in, like, Why would his big sister lick her palm and use it to smooth his hair? but more like, Who's really Trig's mommy, Sarah or Bristol Palin? Unless you've been living under the conspiracy-theory rock, you've heard the Enquirer-ready rumors that preggers daughter Bristol is actually Trig's mother, and Governor Palin has been covering for her "promiscuous" daughter. How this would all actually work out, exactly, is kinda confusing. Thankfully, Vanity Fair has an authoritative Trig Palin Conspiracy Timeline, outlining both theories of his matrilineage — handy no matter what your political leaning. [Politics & Power/VF]