The season premiere of Gossip Girl might be one of the most celebrated premieres in the history of television. Off the top of our heads we can think of like, five premiere parties held for The Greatest Show Ever this week, and that's not even counting the Dress Your Dog Like Blair–themed fiesta Intel Jessica had or the party Intel Chris had in his pants. It can all get a little overwhelming, which is why, perhaps, the Observer's Jon Liu felt himself shying away from canned quotes from fake New Yorkers (we hear "Jenny is going to change a lot this year.") and talking to a real New Yorker: An artist named Debbie Branch. "Oh, you know these kids keep coming to Chelsea chasing Basquiat. Well, I was with Basquiat, and even Warhol, and let me tell you, if you want to be an artist you should be anywhere else but New York."

And then later:

"Robert Mapplethorpe? I hate Robert Mapplethorpe. They caught him once with a naked 6-year-old with a bullwhip up his ass, and he said it was art and got all the grants. Let me ask you, if you were 6 years old, would you want a bullwhip up your ass?"

Plus ten reality points!

Confusion, Sartorial and Otherwise, At Yet Another 'Gossip Girl' Party [NYO]