The Dow dropped 445 points today, to 7552.29. Shares in Citibank lost 26 percent, despite a hot cash injection from Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal. Oil dropped to $50 a barrel. And JPMorgan Chase dropped 19 percent. But these dry facts don't really tell you what the day was like for market-watchers. For that, we must turn to the message board on New York parenting Website YouBeMom. Selections of the conversations that took place there today appear below, and we recommend losing yourself in the rhythm of it, as one might with an epic poem or song. We'll title it:

The Ballad of The New York House Wife

the dow is down 17 percent from 10 years ago. i started working 10 years ago. i might as well ahve spent and enjoyed the money i saved
In 40 years when you are retiring, I doubt you will say that.
I know, but it doesn't feel good now! I was being facetious. Kind of. ;)
Yeah... I am feeling a little better about the fact that I didn't really save.
45% down.....in one year. insane
the year isn't over yet
That's what scares me.
lol
The dow?
Yes

Now, even lighter!

In today’s media-layoff news, Time‘s expats become men without a country, the AP may or may not ax 400 staffers, and all of our mother’s favorite magazines are slowly dying. Here's the latest death toll:

• London-basedTime Europe has laid off more than half of its editorial staff, including two senior editors. With the mag’s Israeli and German editors gone after their contracts expire soon, and rumors about Hong Kong cuts, we might be looking at an amalgamated Time World in the future, where country-based reporting is too costly. [Gawker]

• Cooking Light has lost a number of editors, its senior vice-president, and its publisher in the storm of cuts at Southern Progress, the Time Inc. arm that also owned the late Cottage Living. [FishbowlNY/Mediabistro]

Prince Hal wins! The cool and calculating younger son seizes control of the Yankees from his blustering brother Hank!

Well, on Major League Baseball’s flow chart, anyway. MLB announced today that a vote of the owners of the other 29 franchises approved the Yankees’ request to transfer “control” of the franchise from George Steinbrenner to Hal. It doesn’t mean that Hal has any more power than he did yesterday, however. MLB requires each team to have a single head, but that’s more a formality than anything (for instance, according to MLB, the Mets are controlled by Fred Wilpon, but his son Jeff is running more of the show as time goes on). The move does underscore what happened during the 2008 season, with Hal a bigger presence in the Bronx and in the financial management of the Yankees. Hank’s not much for titles or formalized responsibility, but he’s still very much a force, if an erratic one, in decisions about pursuing free-agent pitchers C.C. Sabathia and A.J. Burnett, because of his personality and his standing as first-born son.

Stephon Marbury isn’t suiting up for the Knicks these days, but there’s a chance he’ll end up playing on another team this season (besides, of course, the Mavericks). Marbury is, hilariously, on the ballot for the Eastern Conference All-Star team, and we count no fewer than five online initiatives to stuff the virtual ballot box for him.

But as funny as the idea is of Marbury playing in the All-Star Game despite not appearing for the Knicks once this season — and unless he’s traded out of the conference first, he’d have to play, since he’d be elected a starter — it’s yet another “Is this really what it’s come to?” moment for Marbury. He’s gone from an actual NBA All-Star to the guy that patronizing fans vote for as a goof. He’s the Rory Fitzpatrick of the NBA. (Inexplicably, Eddy Curry’s on the ballot, too, though his base doesn’t seem very enthusiastic. So maybe he’s the Bob Barr of the NBA?) Either way, this is probably all moot, because we’re sure commissioner David Stern will see to it that this absolutely does not happen.

Another first-time author scores! First Joe the Plumber inked a deal to write about his thoughts and feelings, and now Ivanka Trump has signed on to write a "motivational title for women of her generation" for Touchtone, according to Publishers Weekly, which "will be based on Trump's personal experiences in life and business" and will offer "lessons learned from her father as well as other business luminaries" as well as, presumably, lessons on how being photographed straddling a drill in a bathing suit can enhance one's personal brand. Her "co-author" is Chris Morrow, who assisted Russell Simmons with his self-help title, Do You. Ivanka's book is as yet untitled, but we'll be the first ones to say it should so be called Do Me.

Touchstone Signs Ivanka Trump [Publishers Weekly]

You know that friend of yours, the one who has the big mouth? She's the one who's reliable and smart and gives good advice, but then you turn your back and suddenly she's telling everybody things that you told her in confidence? It's kind of hard to blame her, because she always "forgets" that you asked her to keep things private, and it's not usually that big of a deal. Anyway, half of the things she spreads around are really more about her than you. It's just, you kind of wish she would be a little more discreet. You know?

Well, Hillary Clinton is kind of that friend to Barack Obama. Her camp is leaking stories left and right about the vetting process for her as secretary of State. But there are two differences: First, the Obama camp, unlike you, never leaks gossip. So this is totally pissing them off. And second, Hillary and Barack aren't friends. In fact, they're people who spent months bashing each other in front of the nation for their own personal gain. They can barely tolerate one another. So that forgiving instinct you have for your own gossipy buddy? Yeah, Obama doesn't have that. Maybe something to keep in mind, Hill.

Team Obama thinks Hillary Clinton's people to blame for State speculation [NYDN]

While one conspicuous pick remains unresolved, the rest of Obama's Cabinet is quickly falling into place. Though vetting is ongoing, it's being reported that Obama has tapped Arizona governor Janet Napolitano for secretary of Homeland Security, former Senate majority leader Tom Daschle to head up the Department of Health and Human Services, and Obama national finance chair and very rich person Penny Pritzker as secretary of Commerce. He's not exactly following the Team of Rivals model here, but that's because these picks are about finding solutions for long-intractable issues, like universal health care in the case of Daschle, immigration reform with Napolitano, and, in the case of Pritzker … well, we don't know exactly what the issue with the economy is, but it might be a moot point anyway.

UPDATE: As some had expected, Penny Pritzker has taken herself out of the running for secretary of Commerce, saying she can do more for the country in her "current capacity: building businesses, creating jobs and working to strengthen our economy." [CNN]

Seriously?

Circumventing what many predicted would be a drawn-out, acrimonious, and highly public divorce process, Madonna and Guy Ritchie have reportedly reached an amicable settlement. According to the Times of London, the couple's children, Rocco and David, will split their time between London and New York. Madonna is said to be keeping the bulk of her $450 million fortune, which means Guy did not push for his legally allowed 50 percent. It's reported that he has his own $40 million fortune to fall back on.

But what is really news is that dress she wore to the Gucci party at the Plaza last night. We absolutely cannot wait to hear what the Cut has to say about that. Is she preparing herself to move back to the city, where there's no grass?

Madonna and Guy Ritchie agree divorce settlement over £300million fortune [Times UK]

Financially messed-up hip-hop mogul Damon Dash couldn't sit still during a John Galliano speech and told tablemates he was "bugging out." Mickey Rourke "had the nerve" to go to the fancy screening for Milk, the new movie about slain gay politician Harvey Milk, even though he recently called a reporter a faggot. Cindy Adams is kind of funny about the pompous arrival of Sean Penn at the Milk screening — "He lacked only the Magi, the trumpets and a nimbus" — but seems mollified when he talks to her and kisses her on the cheek. Bill Clinton appeared to give Cuddle-Guv Paterson a back rub at the Triboro Bridge–to–RFK Bridge renaming ceremony the other day, perhaps so the guv would appoint him to Hillary's Senate seat if she becomes secretary of State. But we'd give the cuddle-guv a back rub even if we didn't have an ulterior motive.

Arthur Sulzberger II

Arthur Gregg Sulzberger, the 28-year-old son of Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr., is leaving his job as a reporter at the Oregonian newspaper to return to New York and work at the Times, according to Portland's Willamette Week.

As an heir to the family fortune, Arthur Gregg is sometimes viewed as a likely successor to his father, as Sulzberger Jr. (pictured) was to his father, Arthur Ochs Sulzberger. And his return comes at a fortuitous time.

Joe the Plumber, a.k.a. Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, the Ohio voter who became a celebrity in the last, heady weeks of the election, has signed a book deal with small, Texas-based publisher PearlGate Publishing. Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream, as it will be called, will "address Mr. Wurzelbacher’s ideas about American values," according to the Times, and be co-written with Thomas N. Tabback, the author of a ridiculous-sounding Christian novel also published by PearlGate. The Times cites an interview with Fox News in which JTP said he could have gone with a larger publisher, “But they don’t need the help. They are already rich. So that’s spreading the wealth to me.” The book will be published December 1, an amazingly quick turnaround time, which indicates that probably Joe the Plumber doesn't have a problem spreading the wealth to China, either. [NYT]