"They fuck you and fuck you and fuck you, and just when you think it's over, that's when the real fucking begins!"Photo: Universal Pictures

We've been wondering what new industries the Greatest Depression would birth, and 27-year-old Michael Madigan has come up with a great one. His company, the cryptically named Chelsea Home Office Solutions, is in the business of setting up elaborate illusions that convince shitcanned hedge-fund workers that they are still employed. All you have to do is call and explain your predicament using their special code:

The client doesn’t say he’s been laid off; he says, “It looks like we’ll be wrapping things up here.” Mr. Madigan doesn’t talk about how he can help that client start over; he talks to him about “business alternatives.”

Then they set up computer systems for you that look just like the office, with big powerful computers and "high-volume printers" just in case you have to print out documents for your nonexistent staff. We have to say, this is pretty genius. It kind of reminds us of that great 1997 movie The Game starring Michael Douglas, in which rich people hire a company called Consumer Recreation Services to create an "experience" for them that integrates with their life, so they can't tell what's real and what's been set up. We wonder what other industries this will extend into. Like maybe someone will start one where laid-off media employees write and file copy under the delusion that someone's actually reading it. Oh, wait.

When Hedge Funders Are Sent Home, Careful Tending Is in Order [NYT]