Matt Lauer is pissed off because he lives in the same 64th Street building as Bernie Madoff and the paparazzi waiting outside for Bernie end up snapping Matt and his kids instead. Ashley Olsen and her boyfriend, Justin Bartha, apparently made out at the Regal Cinema in Union Square while watching (or ignoring) Revolutionary Road, then at the end Ashley even turned around and made eye contact with the regular people! Liam Neeson, who supports the city's horse-carriage industry, may face off against horse-carriage hater Alec Baldwin at an upcoming public hearing on the issue ... that'll be some good NY1-watching! John Corbett, who played Carrie's boyfriend Aidan on Sex and the City, basically told a Post reporter to "[bleep] off" because the paper had been unfair to him, so the Post retaliates by saying here he's "best known for dating Bo Derek." Mama said knock you out! Writer Alex Kuczynski, who had a baby last year through a surrogate mother and gloated in the Times about not having to be icky-fat-pregnant, is now pregnant and, alas, will have to go through all that icky fatness after all.

All the beautiful, important people are in D.C. this week for O-Man's inauguration. Tom Hanks really had a good time in the VIP section of the big Obama We Are One concert yesterday, where Beyoncé, Jay-Z, Angela Bassett, and Steve Carell mixed it up with Obama's older sister, Auma, in from Kenya to party. Cin, reporting intrepidly from D.C., says that the Obamas already have a full social calendar, that Dubya won't know what he's worth until Wednesday when his assets become unblinded, and that Sarah Palin's just waiting till the inaugural is over to take D.C. by storm. Plus, Cin says that this is the craziest inaugural circus she's ever seen. You rock that Beltway, Cin. Also, at the BET Honors Awards, Whitney Houston didn't sing but still looked great as a presenter. And importantly, Star Jones wants Michelle Obama to bring the fashion 24/7.

Anne Hathaway say she's trying to forget everything about Raffaello Follieri but she still breaks into Italian at parties and credits him with it. Tinsley Mortimer supposedly requested separate beds for her and and perhaps-not-much-longer husband, Topper, when the two went to Aspen together. Lindsay Lohan is supposedly losing weight and not taking care of herself now that she's out more and more without maybe-not-still-her-girlfriend Sam Ronson. Brad Pitt supposedly wants to star in the Steve McQueen biopic up for filming this year.

Mariah Carey maybe got drunk on red wine at Sundance. Joaquin Phoenix, who has gained a lot of weight and a beard, is launching a rap career, with Diddy producing his album and Casey Affleck filming it documentary-style. That's just weird. Liz Smith maybe seems a little sad that Mickey Rourke wasn't chattier with her at a party given for him in L.A. Liz also points out that some people grumbled that Times fashion writer Cathy Horyn never disclosed, in her recent slam on Vogue, that, uh, she used to work there. Tomato-sauce trio Mario Batali, Lidia Bastianich, and Giada De Laurentiis all inadvertently helped a now-retired FBI agent go undercover in the mob because he'd watch them on the Food Network to find out how to pronounce Italian foods like "prosciutto" and hence sound more authentic. Estée Lauder president William Lauder supposedly gave Taylor Stein, who had his baby, a ton of cash, a house in L.A., and a promise of $1 million a year in return for her not setting foot in New York and avoiding him and his wife, Karen. Gigi Levange Grazer, producer Brian Grazer's wife, says, "It's tough in L.A. if you're sitting next to a 22-year-old who has an intact vaginal passageway. But there's no way in hell I'm doing labiaplasty." And with that quote, the week can now truly begin.