A judge in Tampa, Florida, rejected sassy septuagenarian Arthur Nadel's request to be freed on bond, noting that the hedge-funder, who is accused of overstating his profits and defrauding investors, "failed to explain why he disappeared." Psst, Nadel. Try this one: "I'm an old man. I'm confused! I thought I paid for it. What's my name? Will you take me home?" [Bloomberg]