Richard Simmons Prays for Fat Celebrities Like Jessica Simpson
"I was 268 pounds — I've been there," Sweatin' to the Oldies star Richard Simmons said, speaking about the pressing national issue that is Jessica Simpson's relative fatness on Entertainment Tonight last night. To be sure, Simpson is probably not actually so fat as that, but whatever, said Richard, she basically looks like a whale, and thus his heart goes out to her, and he's helping her the best way he knows how: with prayer. "I pray for all those celebrities who are having a really tough time," he said. Good thing. Only God can save her now. [Us]

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