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The book-publishing industry is in dire straits. No one reads anymore, and if they do, all they read is Twilight. And now, even that is under siege from online pirates who are making digital copies of the books and posting them online! This must be really upsetting to authors, the Times concludes, and so they turned to best-selling author Stephen King to gauge his outrage: "The question is, how much time and energy do I want to spend chasing these guys," he e-mailed them. "And to what end? My sense is that most of them live in basements floored with carpeting remnants, living on Funions [sic] and discount beer." Ha, like what is he going to do, repossess their mom's Chevys? Hahahahaha. We imagine he then yelled, "Hello, do you really think I give a shit, I'm already rich" at the screen, pressed send, and then called for a hot towel to wipe the keyboard grime off his hands. [NYT]