If we were friends with rock-star hedge-funder John Paulson, we might have had the following conversation over Instant Messenger today.

Paul-Money: So I fiiiiiiiinally sold my Southampton house.
Daily Intel: OMG! Old Trees?!?!?!
Paul-Money: No, the other one. The cottage.
Daily Intel: The 7,000-square-foot, seven-bedroom, 7½-bath cottage? The one where we took all the feathers out of the mattresses that time and put them in the swimming pool?
Paul-Money: Yeah.
Daily Intel: You were SO BAKED.
Paul-Money: Ahahahahhaaha totally.
Daily Intel: You were running around with all of them stuck to you going "I'm a bird, I'm a bird!"
Paul-Money: Ahahahahhaaha.
Daily Intel: Well that's cool. I mean, I didn't want to say anything, but that place kind of sucked. Like it didn't even have a tennis court.

Paul-Money: I know, right? Freaking landmarked properties.
Daily Intel: Were you able to make a profit on it or ...
Paul-Money: Well, I had been asking for $19.5 million in April of 2008.
Paul-Money: And then in August I was like, well, I'd better drop it to $16.9 million.
Daily Intel: Because there was no tennis court?
Paul-Money: No, 'cause I smelled the coming doom.
Paul-Money: Anyway then in October I was like, fine, $13.9.
Paul-Money: Still nothing! So I sold it for $9.9.
Daily Intel: Suuuucks.
Paul-Money: And you know, I paid $12.75 million for it when I bought it from Esprit co-founder Juergen Friedrich in 2006.
Daily Intel: Heh. "Juergen." Kind of a gay name. Gay brand.
Paul-Money: Totally. If I could have shorted it when they started doing all that plaid, I would have.
Daily Intel: Anyway, look at it this way. You lost a few million off your house, but you made billions off the mortgage crisis.
Paul-Money: I know, right? Aahahahahhahaha.
Daily Intel: Anyway, I have to go call Wachovia and try to wrangle out of this $35 bounced-check fee. Later.
Paul-Money: Late.

Earlier: If We Were Friends With John Paulson, Part IV
STAY-MOS [NYP]