Namely: He's had to register as a sex offender, he's facing multiple lawsuits, he's out tens of millions of dollars due to the financial crisis, and someone is already accusing him of running a Ponzi scheme. Plus, he's put on some poundage, due to the intake of Pop-Tarts and "meat sticks," and cannot for the life of him remember where he put his red wig. You know what we bet would help him relax a little? A massage.