Two disparate locations have distinguished themselves as hot spots for summer, according to the local press, where amorous people can rub their sweaty bodies together. One makes sense: At the Gansevoort Park Avenue hotel, superstar D.J.s score Sunday afternoon pool parties for ridiculous young people who spring for bottle service (and piss off their neighbors, according to the Post). The other, less so: Teenagers have apparently made the outdoor area at the Ikea in Red Hook “an illicit al fresco hook-up spot” where they get wild (and piss off their neighbors, according to DNAinfo). But, different as they seem, just try telling them apart based on the accounts of scandalized locals.
The quotes used in both “Well, I never!” articles could easily apply to either locale. Here’s a quick quiz:
- “People start drinking, and it gets crazy.”
- “The lawn chairs are a bordello.”
- “Even when the windows are closed, you feel like there’s a sub-woofer in your apartment.”
- “Around the chaise longues, there’s condoms everywhere.”
- “[A local resident] said she has seen “[people] getting weird back there,” notably, a romp a few months ago involving “five or six [people]. Some were watching, some weren’t.”
- “It’s like South Beach.”
- “There are lights that are purple and blue and change color. It’s beautiful, like a wedding thing.”
- “If they’re outside on the street, the chairs are not clean, you can catch infections.”
- “To date, we have had zero safety incidents.”
(ANSWERS: 1, 3, 6, 9 are the Gansevoort; 2, 4, 5, 7, 8 are Ikea.)
The real distinction seems to be that the teenagers — the ones not spending hundreds of dollars on trendy alcohol — are the ones getting laid.
