That little girl in the purple coat is waiting for that guy in the Santa hat to move out of the way. If he does not, she will kill him.Photo: Getty Images

This much was evident over the Christmas holidays when we found ourselves in Rockefeller Center and sent our friend, senior editor Jessica Coen, a text reading: Omg, I hate plowing through the Rockefeller Center and Radio City tourists every day. I literally just want to tackle every one of them from behind, grab their heads in my hands and bash them into the concrete.

Seriously, we used to be lovely.

While word on the street is the kids will be settling in Cobble Hill, they might want to check out Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connolly’s recently abandoned mansion in Park Slope. It has nine bedrooms and even includes “servants’ quarters” where they can stash the token minorities/gays production crew. Williamsburg would also be a convenient option. The proliferation of overpriced lofts makes for easy hot-tub and group-shower installation, and the proximity to the L train ensures that the gang can quickly get into Manhattan-style trouble whenever an episode's plot seems to be slowing down. —Noelle Hancock

The Real World: Brooklyn. For Real. [NYO]

When it comes to the local WNBC 4 news, we were always partial to anchor Sue Simmons. Like any good news matriarch, she was gentle but firm. You always got the sense that she was the one behind the counter really holding it together (’cause you know it ain’t Chuck Scarborough). That’s what makes what we are about to tell you so much more shocking. During last night’s airing of the show Medium, Sue did a promo for the 11 p.m. news. She was teasing a story about rising grocery-store prices when the footage laid over her voice switched from boxes of Cheerios and bread to a cruise ship. And, well, Sue wasn’t having it.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” She blurted out.

Her apology has been posted on the WNBC Website, ingeniously wrapped around an advertisement (Dunkin' Donuts iced-coffee day is May 15, FYI). There is also a comment board, on which many people have already been offering their thoughts on Sue’s gaffe. Our favorite is from HeeHee of New Orleans, who writes:

I live in Louisiana and saw the apology live on the newscast. I had to rewind my DVR to see what she was apologizing for … and it was a shocker! I worked in TV news for 9 years and nothing like that ever happened. very unprofessional … and yet, very awesome.

Indeed. —Noelle Hancock

WNBC Anchor: What the Fuck are You Doing?! [Gawker via MySpace]
Sue Simmons curses on live television broadcast [Newsday]

Photo: Getty Images

I lived in New York for five years and in my experience such behavior was typical. Attractive single girls not only dropped their 'dates' at the slightest whiff of a bigger, better deal, they routinely betrayed their girlfriends, too.

Well, what about the middle-aged men who routinely drop their wives for a bigger (breasted), better deal, leaving them to take care of the kids? Sorry, Toby, no sympathy here. When it comes to courtship and marriage, women win the battle, but men win the war. Young makes a fair point in the latter part of the statement. One aspect of the girlfriend dynamic that Sex and the City never really delved into is the theory that women are socialized to view all other women as competition. Plainly: That all girls secretly hate other girls, and if you don’t believe this to be true, you clearly haven’t been watching The Hills this season. (For all the accusations that the show is scripted, it captures female cattiness in a way that is unparalleled.)

Frazier says: “Mayor, you maintain that you kept a dialogue open with Sean Bell—”

Bloomberg, whose head had snapped up at the word maintain, interrupts: “‘Maintain’ is a word that I don’t think is appropriate, sir. The next time you have a question and want to insinuate that I lie, just talk to the press secretary. I don’t think we have a question for you.”

Boom! Well, ain’t that some ish. The second video is an instant Bill O’Reilly classic. The Fox News host gets downright stabby in this outtake, taken from a more follicle-abundant time back when he was at Inside Edition. Click through to watch him freak when the TelePrompTer craps out and the slow build begins until he finally explodes, “We'll do it live! Fuck it! … Fucking thing sucks!” Then at the end you realize that it was a segment about Sting, which makes this all the more hilarious. —Noelle Hancock

Bloomberg Gets Snippy With Newsday Reporter [Gothamist]
Bill O'Reilly Meltdown Resurfaces [Gawker]

Photo: Getty Images

Our secret shame: We once had an epic, inexplicable crush on Jimmy Fallon and even crashed his birthday party a few years back in an effort to ask him out, which ended … badly, let’s just say. Then he got married and moved to L.A. so we no longer crash his parties (or get within 100 yards of him, per the judge’s instructions).

But now he’s coming back to New York, as NBC will formally announce today, to take over for Conan O’Brien as the host of Late Night. Fallon is expected to appear at today’s press conference flanked by Saturday Night Live executive producer Lorne Michaels, who also introduced the then-unknown O’Brien in May 1993. O’Brien, of course, will be installed over at The Tonight Show, where NBC has gotten out its giant vaudevillian hook and is yanking Jay Leno off the stage next year — and not a moment too soon, might we add.

Photo: Patrick McMullan

[E]ven though the Wasp establishment is losing much of the influence it once held over our society’s major institutions, the imagery, the manners, and the general style associated with Wasps seem to have increasing appeal.

He spends the rest of the post kind of flitting around and contradicting his original thesis and plugging fancy friends like jewelry designer Waris Ahluwalia and banking heir Marian Moore. Then he cites the success of Ralph Lauren and Wes Anderson movies as proof of the growing popularity of the blue-blood Americana image. He blogs:

Why do [Ralph] Lauren and millions of other non-Wasps find Wasp culture so appealing? “It’s just so many generations of being elite,” says Marian Moore. “It means something to people.”

Maybe this was true ten years ago, when Anderson’s films truly peaked and Abercrombie was the shit, but it’s not really the case anymore.

The storied Track 61 was also used by President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, so he could enter and leave the hotel without the public realizing he couldn’t walk unassisted because of his polio. Lauer shows us FDR’s private train car, still down on the tracks. The armored car features bulletproof glass and special suspension to support the president’s paralyzed lower body. The train was also a safety measure in case FDR needed to be spirited out of New York City in the event of a national catastrophe.

Watch the video and marvel that there was ever a time when presidents tried to hide their handicaps, as opposed to more current administrations, which like to parade them out in the open like a 2-year-old boy who’s just discovered his wee-wee. —Noelle Hancock

Matt Lauer Goes Underground for “Secret” Train Car [Gothamist]

Photo: marthastewart.com

See, Martha’s neighbors asked her to cattle-sit their two miniature Hereford cows while they’re away for the summer. This is no problem for Martha, who already has a farm. She just tossed them in the backyard with her miniature donkeys. Yet she still can’t figure out what to name them, and she needs your help, America. Martha is putting the naming to a vote on her site, and she already has several suggestions: Napoleon and Josephine, Maggie and Thatcher, Sir Loin and Madame Bovine, Isabel and Ferdinand, Hillary and Barack, Jen and Ben. There are more choices, but you should go see them for yourself, along with the pictures of the mini-cows, which need to be experienced in person. After the jump, we spend way more time than was necessary debating over IM what Martha Stewart should name her cattle.

Photo: Getty Images

It is a sad day when an icon like Barbara Walters, in the sunset of her life, is reduced to publicly branding herself as an adulterer, humiliating an innocent family with accounts of her illicit affair and speaking negatively against me all for the sake of selling a book. It speaks to her true character.

Sunset of her life? That is some rough, hard-core bitch slappery right there. We sort of have to admire Star’s gangster moves on this one. She also has a point about humiliating the family of Senator Ed Brooke by recounting details of the affair. Brooke is remarried and has three children now, and no one wants to think about his parents having sex, especially with other people. But Barbara, who claimed yesterday that she’s gone “soft,” decided not to engage in a war of the words. Walters's rep said, "I will not dignify this with a comment. Barbara's written words say it all!" It looks like the defense rests…for now. —Noelle Hancock

Star Jones Slams Barbara Walters for Tell-all Memoir
Barbara Walters Will Not Dignify Star Jones's Comments [UsMagazine.com]