Well, slap us silly and call us Treebeard — we never thought we'd see the day when New Zealand's most famous hobbit, Peter Jackson, would set up shop in New York City. Turns out that like a nasty old barrow-wight, the Lord of the Rings director may have bought the top of an old Tribeca's landmark and may begin haunting it momentarily. The purchase reportedly cost him $17.5 million coppers. According to the Gondor Observer, the penthouse hobbit hole at 54 Franklin in Tribeca was purchased from developer Chris Clark, who built it and had been living there. The combined interior space (it's actually two separate apartments, one purchased last year and one closed last month) adds up to 8,018 square feet, with an additional 4,000 square feet of planted terrace space. According to Clark, you can see for leagues! (Bet you can even grow your own pipe weed up there.) Jackson might be in town enough to enjoy the place — he won't be directing the Hobbit remake that's set to come out from New Line, he'll merely be executive-producing.

Our favorite part of Jackson's new pad? In addition to ten total bedrooms, there's a 2,300-square-foot living room — apparently in case King Kong crashes at your pad for a night. Or just Gandalf — he's awfully tall, you know.

One Penthouse Duplex to Rule Them All: Peter Jackson Likely Buyer of $17.3 M. Tribeca Spread [NYO]

State Representative Chuck Rangel is not the first un-poor person to get busted living in a rent-stabilized apartment — but he may be the first to get caught living in four of them. On the tenth floor of the Lenox Terrace in Harlem (where David Paterson also has a rent-stabilized place) the congressman (whose net worth the Times estimates at $566,000 to $1.2 million) keeps a studio apartment for use as an office, for which he pays $660 a month. Then on the sixteenth floor, he has combined a studio ($630), a one-bedroom ($1,329), and a two-bedroom ($1,329) into rather opulent spread that overlooks Manhattan. Quoth the Times:

Mr. Rangel’s residence, which has custom moldings and dramatic archways, is decorated with Benin Bronze statues and antique carved walnut Italian chairs, and was featured in the 2003 book “Style and Grace: African Americans at Home,” by Michael Henry Adams (Bulfinch Press)… Mr. Rangel’s wife, Alma, is quoted describing the congressman as “the shopper in this family” who has a penchant for hunting down antiques like cut-glass champagne flutes and walnut chests to furnish their elegant abode.

He also owns a villa in the Dominican Republic as well as a few other properties in New York and Florida. Awkward. The 78-year-old chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee declined to speak to the Times when they called for comment. “Why should I help you embarrass me?” he said, before abruptly hanging up. Well, touché, we suppose.

UPDATE: Rangel had a press conference today to defend his family's occupation of the four rent-stabilized apartments in Harlem's Lenox Terrace, and things got pretty heated. "It's none of the New York Times business where I live," where he lived.

When a Times reporter, David Kocieniewski, pressed Mr. Rangel on the issue of fairness, the congressman declined to answer, saying, “I have decided unilaterally that you have asked more than your share.” He added, when Mr. Kocieniewski tried to press him, “Hell no, I’m not going to respond to you.”

City Room has the full, and entirely entertaining, report.

Harlem Congressmen Rents 4 Apartments At Below-Market Rates [NYT]

Like probably many of you, we were absolutely entranced by the description of Rush Limbaugh's home in the New York Times this past weekend. It reminded us of this great book we have called Dictator Style, which showcases the flamboyant interior-decorating styles of some of the world's biggest despots. Limbaugh is, it seems, a member of the Saddam Hussein school of interior design. Like Saddam, he likes things opulent and luxurious— crystal chandeliers, lush carpets—and favors an oversized heirloom look— the chandelier in the dining room is a replica one from the Plaza, his library is "a scaled-down version of the library at the Biltmore Estate"—it's like Old Money Disneyland-style. Also like Saddam, Limbaugh likes to gild the lily:

The gleaming cherry-wood floors are dotted with hand-woven oriental carpets….Cherubs dance on the ceiling, leatherbound collections line the bookshelves and the wood-paneled walls were once “an acre of mahogany"... His staff lights fragrant candles throughout the house to greet his arrival from work each day.

Like many others whose fervent hate of and disregard for others is matched by a deep and true love for themselves, Limbaugh also keeps "a life-size oil portrait of El Rushbo, as he often calls himself" in a prominent position on his main staircase.

Limbaugh's scarily swank digs reminded us of a few other giant places occupied by giant personalities that we've recently come to know, and, in some cases, to love. After the jump, check out our mini-gallery of Egomaniacal Estates!

Seriously, if you live in the East Village or don't, you have to check out this pair of twin townhouses that could be sold together for a total of $19.5 million: 8,000 square feet, original moldings, gorgeous tiered gardens, eighteen fireplaces … it's like it's on the Upper East Side or in the West Village — but it's two blocks from St. Marks. Let's all chip in to buy it and keep it as a museum just to prove such a thing is possible.

Inside 123-125 East 10th Street [NYM Video]

We’re so convinced about this whole buyer’s-market thing that a three-bedroom West Village loft for less than $5 million sounds totally reasonable! New York’s S. Jhoanna Robledo toured a condo at 43 Clarkson Street and managed to sneak a camera in as well. Prudential Douglas Elliman broker Darren Sukenik wouldn’t volunteer any of the building’s big names, but StreetEasy research shows that artist Bruce Robbins owns the unit. A reverse-address search confirms our hunch that Julian Schnabel lived at 43 Clarkson, too. (His wife’s linen store, Olatz, is right downstairs.) Watch the video to see how many pajama tops you can get for $4.85 million.

Brooklyn residents totally booed Marty Markowitz the other night at BAM when he mentioned the upcoming Real World: Brooklyn (and then they inexplicably cheered for walking rent-destabilizers Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard — whatever), according to "Page Six." But they may as well get used to it: MTV has officially announced that the cast will be living in the Belltel lofts, in downtown Brooklyn, even though the New York Times warned them that the prevalence of check-cashing places and fried food means it could be a little ghetto. But despite its proximity to the "real world," as Belltell owner David Bistricer boasts, this is not exactly the kind of apartment indigenous to the area: The 6,000-square-foot, two-story penthouse has ten-foot windows, five bedrooms, bamboo flooring, two private terraces, and a big roof deck, and the Daily News assures us a Jacuzzi is "on the way" so requisite drunken hot-tub hookups will not be compromised. But don't be too jealous: As you can see in the video above, the place was clearly decorated by the designers from the Clarissa Explains It All era. Plus, they still have to deal with Time Warner Cable. Mwahahahaha.

Please Don't Get Real [NYP]
Real World Sets Up $6M House In Downtown B'kln [NYDN]

There's been a lot of speculation that when Mayor Bloomberg's term is up, in 2009, he'll continue advancing his career in public service and will be elected, if not president straightaway, at least governor or king of New York. But not according to the Post! Today, they posit an alternate theory, which is that the minute he is done pushing through his last fruity policy, Hizzoner's going to kick up his feet with a frosty bevvie and resume being a full-time billionaire. Makes sense to us. Specifically, the Post says, he's heading to Lyford Cay, in the Bahamas, a community where the only other residents are fabulously wealthy dudes, including Sean Connery, Irish billionaire Sir Tony O'Reilly, Canadian fashion executive Peter Nygard, and financier (and fugitive!) Viktor Kozeny. With them, Bloomberg will live out the rest of his days golfing and no doubt watching Sex and the City reruns until the DVD becomes warped with overuse.

But where will he live?

The other day we were out on our balcony talking on the phone with a friend, and the friend said, “Wait, you have a balcony?”

“Yeah, we have a balcony,” we said. “It’s called a fire escape. In our tax bracket, that’s a balcony.”

Then there are New Yorkers like Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connelly, who just bought a 4,000-square-foot Tribeca loft with a private roof deck. The four-bedroom penthouse set them back almost $7 million and includes a library, a renovated kitchen, and something called a Tuscan-style triple-mint bath.

So does this mean that Brooklyn is losing one of its star celebri-couples? Yes, it does. According to Curbed, their nine-bedroom Park Slope townhouse is on the market for $8.5 million. The limestone mansion (which they bought for $3.5 million in 2003) is over 5,000 square feet and features a gated rear yard. The wood carving and plaster work are original, and there are fireplaces in the living room, dining room, kitchen, and three of the bedrooms. The servants' quarters (are we still allowed to say “servants’ quarters”?) are on the top floor and include four small bedrooms and a shared bath.

Go check out the interior shots at Curbed and tell us which one you like best. Meanwhile, we'll try to control our jealousy over the roof deck and remind ourselves that at the end of the day, it looks out on a highway and a dirty river full of dead bodies and the guns that were used to kill them. It's all about perspective, people. —Noelle Hancock

Paulifer Ditching Brooklyn [Curbed]
Jennifer & Paul's Park Slope Megamansion [Curbed]

We've always thought our apartment should have a library. You know, a room for relaxing and reading that doesn't have a TV in it. (We've also always thought we should have a townhouse on Gramercy Park, but we'll just have to wait until Uma Thurman moves out for that to happen.) And now, it appears, we have a chance to buy a perfectly lovely apartment in a nice neighborhood, which boasts a very charming (if overchintzed) library. We think we might even buy it! Hey, you guys, can we borrow $46 million?

No? Okay, well, if you want to spoil our fun and buy Brooke Astor's apartment for yourself, be our guest. The Daily News today points us to the Corcoran listing for the sprawling Park Avenue palace, which tells us everything we need to know about how we would be living if this were a perfect world. It features fourteen rooms, spectacular views up and down park, five fireplaces, six terraces, six bathrooms, and the final confirmation that if you live there you are scientifically superior to everybody else around you. How do you fit all of that maddening luxury into one apartment? After the jump, the dizzying floor plan, which includes New York apartment terms we've only heard of in myths and legends, like "private landing," "vault," and "pantry."

For only $46M in cash, Brooke Astor's 14-room apartment can be yours [NYDN]
778 Park Avenue - Official Listing [Corcoran]

Click here to view New York's own slide show tour of the Astor apartment

Former Viacom head Tom Freston is selling his Upper East Side townhouse, which also happens to be the house that Andy Warhol lived in from 1974 to 1987. Of course, you're not likely to find any stray Basquiat doodles (or, you know, 'ludes) from back in the day lying around. Freston renovated the hell out of the place, adding a luxurious rooftop terrace, four bedrooms, a library, chef's kitchen, staff suite, gym, and seven wood-burning fireplaces, and the only real sign that Andy ever lived there is the plaque on the front of the house. The cool vibes and the amenities will set you back a mere $38.5 million, which if you think about it is only half of what someone paid for Warhol's Car Crash just last year.

Warhol's Pad on Sale For $38 Million [NYP]
57 E. 66th Street [Corcoran]