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Ted Cruz Just Lost the Bronx

If Ted Cruz had any supporters in the Bronx, he has certainly lost them now. During a Saturday speech at something called the Americans for Prosperity's Defending the American Dream Summit, Cruz used a dig at the borough to criticize New York Senator Chuck Schumer's position on immigration reform. "Now, I understand that Manhattan is very concerned with their security with the Bronx, but it's a little bit different on 2,000 miles of the Rio Grande," said the Texas tea partier, whose knowledge of the area is probably entirely based on a single late-night viewing of Fort Apache, the Bronx.

"Grow up." »

Fancy Upper West Side Building Won't Let Dogs Put Their Sweet Little Paws on the Floor of the Lobby

According to the New York Post, the management of 62nd Street's Hawthorn Park requires dog owners to carry their pets through the 339-unit building's lobby, lest they "urinate or pass stool" or otherwise sully the "gleaming white marble" floor. Dogs also aren't allowed in Hawthorn Park's regular elevators, and must instead use the service elevators like commoners. Maybe the canine residents should just make like they're in Jersey and set the place on fire.

Libyan Militants Really Enjoying the Pool at the American Embassy in Tripoli

Back in July, the United States embassy in Tripoli was evacuated due to concerns about the escalating violence in Libya. On Sunday, it was reported that Libyan militiamen had broken into a residential compound previously occupied by the now absent American diplomats. While the embassy itself, located some distance away, is said to be secure and under the protection of Libyan guards, it seems that the trespassers are really making themselves at home in their newly acquired living quarters. In fact, they're having a pool party!

Looks fun. »

Joan Rivers Reportedly on Life Support

Legendary funny lady Joan Rivers has been in a medically induced coma since Thursday, when she went into cardiac and respiratory arrest during a routine procedure at a doctor's office. Now, TMZ reports that she has been put on life support as her family keeps vigil at Manhattan's Mount Sinai Hospital. In a statement on Thursday, daughter Melissa Rivers said that her mother is "resting comfortably" and asked that people keep her in their thoughts and prayers. The most recent statement released through Mount Sinai on Sunday afternoon also had no update on her condition. In it, however, Melissa said, “We are keeping our fingers crossed.” So are we.

Unhinged St. Louis Cop Who Pushed Don Lemon Retires With Full Benefits

St. Louis County police officer Dan Page was recently suspended from work after a completely unhinged video of him ranting about black people, gay people, women, Muslims, President Obama, and various conspiracy theories emerged online. "I've killed a lot," declared Page, who first caught the media's attention when he pushed CNN anchor Don Lemon during a demonstration in Ferguson. "And if I need to, I'll kill a whole bunch more." The St. Louis County Police Department's internal review of Page was set to begin last week, but MSNBC reports that he decided to avoid further scrutiny by simply retiring.

At least he's no longer out there "protecting and serving." »

8 NFL Story Lines We Won’t Be Able to Turn Away From This Season

Last October, Frontline ran its massive exposé of the NFL’s secret history with concussions. The film was a devastating account — as thorough a fisking as any professional sports league has received in my lifetime — and the reaction was overwhelming. Michael Humphrey of Forbes spoke for many when he wrote, “If I keep watching, it is at my own ethical risk. And I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do.”

I don’t know what Humphrey did, but I know what the rest of us did: We kept watching football. More than we ever had, in fact. Every single marker of NFL ratings was way up last year, from the regular season to the postseason to the Super Bowl. The wild-card game between Green Bay and San Francisco — one I doubt you even remember — had nearly five times as many viewers as the series finale of Breaking Bad. The Super Bowl, a terrible game that was essentially over after half an hour, was the most watched program in American television history with 111.5 million viewers. Earlier this month, a meaningless preseason game featuring Cleveland’s Johnny Manziel taking 27 snaps on the NFL Network — a station many cable providers still don’t carry — received a million more viewers than the half-season finale of Mad Men.

Read More  »

Nice Doggy Probably Didn’t Mean to Set the House on Fire

"A fire broke out in a home on Norwood Drive Friday night after a dog accidentally turned on a stove which then burnt a laptop that was on top of the stove," the Asbury Park Press reports. Firefighters responding to reports of smoke coming from the roof of the house put out the blaze and rescued the pet, who was home alone. We're sure the dog didn't mean to do anything bad, because all dogs are good. Still, his owners might want to spend more time playing fetch and less time looking at Facebook. 

Russian Tourist Who Climbed the Brooklyn Bridge Might Have to Clean It

Last week, a 24-year-old jorts-wearing Russian tourist named Yaroslav Kolchin scaled the Brooklyn Bridge in broad daylight, took some photos with his iPhone, and was promptly taken into police custody. After missing his flight back to Moscow and spending a week behind bars, Kolchin appeared in a Brooklyn court on Friday to learn more about the legal consequences of his big American adventure.

"If he likes the bridge so much, let him clean a bridge." »



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