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De Blasio Should Never Have Been Allowed to Hold That Poor Groundhog in the First Place

In case you somehow forgot, Mayor de Blasio dropped the Staten Island Zoo's groundhog on Groundhog Day of last year, and then the groundhog died. (Was it murder? Was there a coverup? These questions remain hotly contested.) The zoo has since decided to bar mayors from holding groundhogs during the annual weather forecasting ritual — and they better make sure they stick to that policy. In an article recalling last year's grisly episode, the Wall Street Journal revealed that the USDA recently determined that "the zoo violated the federal Animal Welfare Act in 2014. The agency cited the use of an 'untrained person' to handle the groundhog." The fallout just won't stop.

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ISIS Appears to Have Executed Japanese Journalist

A video that purportedly to show ISIS's beheading of Japanese journalist Kenji Goto was posted online on Saturday. While the authenticity of the recording hasn't been officially confirmed, it closely resembles previous execution videos released by the extremist group. The video also seems to feature "Jihadi John," the British terrorist responsible for the deaths of James Foley, Steven Sotloff, and other Islamic State hostages.

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Dame Helen Mirren Shows You How To Ride the Subway

So remember how Tom Hanks just like, lounged around the New York City subway like a house cat? Well, here is Dame Helen Mirren, spotted by an Instagram user who kept their wits about them, demonstrating exceptional subway etiquette. Even though there is clearly ample space around her, Mirren has her bag on her lap, and she is not weird about sitting next to another human being. (More often than not, it is the gesture of creating space that is important.) And we would just like to note that her coat game is. On. Point. The MTA should just ditch their courtesy ads for this photo of La Mirren.

Jeb Bush Totally Smoked Weed at Andover

High school was more a time of academic troubles and smoking than political awakening for presidential hopeful Jeb Bush, according to a new profile of his time at the Phillips Academy in Andover published in the Boston Globe. According to the piece, Bush "straddled the line between jock and freak" in his sophomore dorm: He was good at tennis but smoked marijuana and drank on the regular, even though those actions were punishable by expulsion at the school. "The first time I really got stoned was in Jeb's room," classmate Peter Tibbetts told the paper. "He had a portable stereo with removable speakers. He put on Steppenwolf for me." (Bush himself admits these transgressions, saying such behavior was "pretty common" at the school.)

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New York Ebola Doc Thinks the City Overreacted

The man at the center of the Ebola case that spread fear throughout hipster New York gave his first post-recovery interview to WNYC this week, and had plenty of real talk for both average New Yorkers and local politicians. Dr. Craig Spencer, who came down with the deadly virus in October after volunteering in Guinea, also delivered one reassuring message: "Having seen what I had seen and having done what I had done, having been where I had been, at no point would I have put — not just my personal safety — but the safety of my loved ones and my community at risk."

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