Last night, our long national nightmare ended, and we all found out who took home Project Runway's big prize. The triumph of alleged cheater Jeffrey Sebelia, that tattooed bad boy turned emotional wreck, moved us to misty eyes … but did we all respect ourselves for it in the morning? Fug Girls Heather and Jessica hash it out over IM.
Heather: I've never been so happy to be slightly wrong.
Jessica: I know! Somehow, during the course of this episode, I decided I really wanted Jeffrey to win.
Heather: I am a sucker for a heartwarming story, and his is a doozy. Drugs! Attempted suicide! The crushing pain of an epic neck tattoo! Adorable offspring! It's all there.
Jessica: His kid is really cute.
Jessica: Like, REALLY cute.
Heather: The most emotional moments of the episode, which overall I found surprisingly flat considering what a good final four it was, were the ones where they showed the kid crying and the kid celebrating.
Heather: Even Uli, when she got auf'd, was all, "Get the kid ready!" Everybody was pulling for the kid. Oh, and his father.
Jessica: I definitely think that, for whatever reason, this was a more emotional finale than the previous two. I love Jay McCarroll, so I was really happy that he won, but I didn't, like, FEEL for him as much as I did for Jeffrey.
Heather: The only times I really felt anything were (a) when Jeffrey didn't get disqualified and he wept like a baby on Uli's shoulder, (b) the kid!, and (c) when Jeffrey won. The rest of the time it was very feh.
Heather: I can't figure out why. Maybe that's because nothing really happened. The only drama was in whether Jeffrey had enough receipts. Disqualification threat aside, receipts don't really light me on fire.
Jessica: I was very relieved he wasn't DQed. I don't think he cheated. But I also think that kind of cheating would be hard to actually prove.
Jessica: Like, who keeps the receipts they got when they paid their workers under the table?
Heather: Exactly. It's like when Diane Sawyer confronted Whitney Houston with those allegations that she spent a cool half-mil on cocaine and Whitney huffed, "Hah! Well. Where are the receipts? I'd like to see some receipts if that happened."
Jessica: I know, right?
Jessica: But I REALLY don't think he cheated.
Jessica: I think he just worked his ass off.
Heather: I like to think her dealer called Diane later and went, "I actually have one. She signed it, 'Bee-to-the-YOTCH.'"
Jessica: You're just amusing yourself now
Heather: Guilty. But I'm going to start signing everything that way now. Anyway, if Tim Gunn cleared Jeffrey — and Whitney, too, come to think of it — that's good enough for me. I really liked how his clothes looked on the runway.
Heather: Jeffrey's, not Tim's.
Jessica: Tim always looks sharp.
Jessica: But I agree. For whatever reason, Jeffrey's stuff looked better on the TV than it did in photographs.
Jessica: How disappointing was sweet Michael Knight?
Heather: I just wanted to hug him and promise that everything would be okay and that he's going to have a really good career and some really great teeth.
Jessica: I know.
Heather: Those were hoochie-short dresses, though.
Jessica: I know, dude.
Jessica: And those hot-pink hotpants he sent down the runway were like the less-attractive version of the hot-pink hotpants he did earlier in the season.
Heather: Satin is nobody's friend, for one thing. Satin will stab you in the back. He also just … he has some interesting colors, but they were all blindingly shiny and it didn't seem like he chose them for any reason other than that they were bright and shiny.
Jessica: I know. It makes me sad.
Jessica: Laura made me kind of sad, too
Jessica: I feel like she's better than that.
Jessica: Some of those outfits were Joan Collins-y and NOT in the good way.
Heather: I feel like it broke the judges' hearts a little bit, too. Michael Kors seemed a little sad, almost, like he was really pulling for her. Being a designer of fab dresses, I bet he took one look at her craftsmanship and was like, "I want her working for me but not DESIGNING for me."
Heather: You know? Like, she can really execute, but when she said her idea of breaking the mold was "stiffer hems," I wanted to throw something at her.
Jessica: Try making something you can wear during the daylight hours.
Jessica: I think that's one of the reasons Jeffrey won: his collection was cohesive, but it had looks for all occasions.
Jessica: I think Michael Kors said that better than I did.
Heather: Maybe she doesn't go out during the day. Maybe her nutty-professor husband by night turns into a rapacious sex fiend and so that's why everything is only fit for after dark.
Jessica: Well, they do have five and two-thirds children.
Heather: I agree with that comment about Jeffrey. I had a sense Jeffrey would win, in part because the show was so stacked with Uli positives. But in that sense, any negative they had for her felt sort of made-up and stretched thin, so I wonder why they DID ding her, in the end.
Jessica: Note we haven't talked about her at all.
Heather: "I'm sorry, Uli, but you're out. Auf wiederszzzzzz …"
Heather: "Wake up, Heidi, you're drooling"
Jessica: Her stuff was really wearable, but it's not very fashion forward, I think.
Heather: No, I agree. I mean, I covet the silver turtleneck minidress, but it's not something I've never seen before.
Heather: I kept thinking the necklace they showed with it was handcuffs. It was sort of distracting.
Jessica: I wonder if she's going to be the designer that Gets A Real Job out of this, though, like Daniel Vosovic did.
Heather: I hope she's not the one who ends up in Wal-Mart.
Heather: I could totally see her at one of the next two Fashion Weeks.
Heather: With her own collection, not just loitering.
Jessica: I'm sort of sad it's over.
Heather: I am, too. As much as the finale itself was sort of by-the-books "I want to win so badly but just being at Olympus Fashion Week is a dream come true" stuff, it was really fun to see them send a collection down the runway.
Heather: And as much as we thought Uli was going to win based on the photos, they made the right choice. She'll do just fine on her own, Laura will run off and make great cocktail dresses, and Michael Knight and Kimora Lee Simmons can get together and make Safari Phat, and all will be well.
Jessica: Okay, I have to go put the finishing touches on my Tim Gunn shrine.
Heather: Carry on. Make it work.