If You Spun It, Here's How It Would Have Happened

20061219tirades.jpg
Photo: Photos: Patrick McMullan, ABC, CBS, L.A. County Sheriff's Department

Now that we know Judith Regan was fired from HarperCollins over a volley of anti-Semitic remarks, it strikes us that with the recent bumper crop of Great Moments in Racism — Michael Richards–gate, Rosie-gate, Mel Gibson Über alles — our culture has found a new cottage industry: Awesome excuses for Great Moments in Racism. And nearly all of them have shown up already in the Regan affair. After the jump, a cheat sheet for spinning your next ching chong.

Line of defense: "That wasn't offensive!"

"There is nothing insulting to Jewish people in saying that Jews should particularly understand what it is to be victims of the big lie," Mr. Fields said. "They were looking for an excuse to fire her, and they fired her, and called it anti-Semitic. It ain't anti-Semitic."


— From the Times. (Alternate version: My hairdresser just told me this is offensive!)

Line of defense: "But I never said it to their faces!"

But Ms. Allred said she was saddened by the suggestion that Ms. Regan made anti-Semitic comments. "I'm Jewish, and she's never made an anti-Semitic comment to me," she said.


— From the Times. (Alternate version: Actually, I think I'm one of them, too!)

Line of defense: "But they took away my e-mail!"

Now that the timeline of Regan's firing is becoming clearer, let's add one more salient detail: two sources close to the situation have told GalleyCat that before Regan was informed of her firing, her email access was cut off at 4 PM Pacific time on Friday. When that happened, Regan became so irate that her email wasn't working that people heard her in the stairwell. So no wonder once "the call" came, she wasn't in such a wonderful mood.


— From GalleyCat. (Alternate versions: I was drunk; I am old!)

Line of defense: "What, me worry?!"

I sincerely doubt we've heard the last of Judith Regan. Don't be surprised when she lands, shortly, at a TV network or movie studio or, yes, a publishing house near you.


— From Publishers Weekly. (Alternate version: It was just a little burst of testosterone, not that there's anything wrong with that!)

There you have it. Happy n-wording, kids!