U.S. Military to Rid New York of Pigeons

Ink-stained journos and general ne'er-do-wells pour one out for Siberia, which closes this weekend. Kanye West: hip-hop superstar, fine-art connoisseur. If Nicole Richie's DUI arrest holds up, she'll serve mandatory jail time (it's her second drunk-driving charge). Stavros Niarchos attempted to tone down Paris Hilton's partying so he could introduce her to his parents, was — shock! — mostly unsuccessful. Travis Barker ex Shanna Moakler is now dating her Dancing With the Stars co-star (as is Mario Lopez). Angelina Jolie says she's on the pill, plans to adopt her next child with Brad Pitt. She might want to avoid the British TV personality who gave Madonna flack for adopting her African baby. Madonna was not amused. Eighty-eight-year-old Long Island socialite and New York Botanical Garden big shot Jane Choate "doesn't seem to understand the nature of probation." A military-recruitment center in Times Square has created a pigeon-free green zone by electrically shocking birds that mill around the building. The president of E! is dating Chelsea Handler, one of the network's (unfunny) stars. Stephen Colbert planned to give President Bush a "Certificate of Presidency" award at the White House press-corps gala last April, but he chickened out. British actor James Purefoy is straight, mostly. Derek Jeter may be with Jessica Biel, but gridiron star Tom Brady is no longer with Bridget Moynahan. Liz Smith says that Time Magazine's "Person of the Year" will be a guy (either Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il, Hu Jintao, James Baker, or President George Bush). Jude Law can't afford to buy a new house because his divorce is so expensive. Sacha Baron Cohen continues to play the Borat card.