We are heartbroken to report that our favorite object of defecatory dreams — the neat-and- clean-and-always-stocked-with-toilet-paper Charmin public toilets at Times Square — closed on New Year's Eve. Lest they be forgotten forever, however, the friendly flacks pushing the paper — and, yes, we know we're currently giving them exactly the PR hit they wanted — inform us that one couple had perhaps the most important night of their young lives in the giant public bathroom. Neal and Jalista, of Easton, Pennsylvania, were engaged on the evening of December 30 in the Charmin space, which apparently they deemed even more romantic than becoming betrothed in the restroom of the ESPN Zone next door. May your lives together remain squeezably soft, you crazy kids!
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