Have Fun, Kiddies! (Just Use Protection)

Wherein our faithful correspondent arranges Times headlines to bring you secret truths from the paper of record.

The Romance of a Dozen Roses, the Gritty Reality of a Truckload

In Defense of the Desperate (And the Notorious),
Who’s Afraid of an Artist Who Loved Flowers?

Relics of the 19th Century, in a Sentimental Mood
He’s Bringing Commitment Back (and Not in a Box).

How He Arrived at That Acquired Taste?
A Turnaround Born of Pain, Now Yielding Opportunity:

Sex, Repressed and Unleashed
The Big Bang and the Bucks Set to Collide in Inner Space.

A Matter of Fair Play
A Cigar Isn’t Just a Cigar? Ay-Ay-Ay. —Lizzie Skurnick