Mama Don’t Preach

Madonna won’t let her daughter dress like, well, Madonna. The U.N. campus has a pretty serious rodent-and-eel problem. Rockefeller Center and Chrysler Building owner Jerry Speyer is proficient with a yo-yo. Oscar presenter Jerry Seinfeld has been asked to host the Oscars next year but can’t because of a movie obligation. “The Secret” is Hollywood’s new Scientology/Kabbalah. Martha Stewart just bought an unfinished apartment in the West Village for $16 million. Someone stole one of Karl Lagerfeld’s Chanel dresses and sent it to Courtney Love to wear. Kathie Lee Gifford has as soft spot for Britney Spears, though her son fancies Paris. Mark Ruffalo is far nicer to the press than he needs to be.

Warner Bros. Records almost signed Meat Loaf but then backed out at the last second because an exec didn’t like “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.” Helen Mirren had an In-N-Out burger before heading into the Vanity Fair Oscar party. A married artist is having an affair at the Gramercy Park Hotel, where she doesn’t like the sheets. 50 Cent is trying to reach a fair child-support agreement with his ex, who in turn is trying to take him to the cleaners. Maria Bartiromo failed to mention her slight conflict of interest when she interviewed Citigroup chairman Sandy Weill for CNBC. Bobby Brown had a mild freak-out at a Boston club. Susan Blond’s PR firm celebrates its twentieth anniversary tomorrow night at Michael’s. Britney Spears may be suffering from postpartum depression. Lisa Lampenelli joked that Michael Richards stole her act at a Friar’s Club luncheon. Cindy Adams has seen Anna Nicole Smith’s diary and says she misspelled “knows” as “nos.”