Inspired by Italy’s Veronica Lario — who in a front-page letter printed in yesterday’s La Repubblica requested a public apology from her husband, former prime minister Silvio Berlusconi, for flirting with and ogling various comely young women and then, even more remarkably, received one — we’d like to see if we, too, can elicit a public apology or two.
To everyone involved in ground-zero reconstruction:
It’s been five freaking years, and this is all that’s been accomplished? You should be ashamed of yourselves, all of you. (And, yes, at this point that includes you, too, sainted widows and family members.) We think you owe us — all of us, all New Yorkers — an apology.
Sincerely, Daily Intel
Dear Paris Hilton & Co.,
You have no discernable talent, you have accomplished nothing but being rich, and you’re not — if we maybe be totally honest — particularly attractive. And yet for some reason we have to receive constant updates on your exploits. Have you no sense of decency? We think an apology is in order. Thanks.
Best, Daily Intel
Dear Katie Couric:
Back in September, we sat through countless ad campaigns and fawning profiles talking about how you were going to revolutionize the evening news. And about that’s why you were getting paid some ungodly amount of money to look pretty on TV for a half-hour each night. As it turned out, your show is just as uninteresting as every other evening-news show, yet also somehow worse. And your ratings have dropped from where Bob Schieffer’s were. Don’t you think you owe America — or at least CBS shareholders — an apology?
Love, Daily Intel
Dear Jim Dolan:
Where to begin? Even you must be sorry about how badly you run the Garden. Come on, man, do the right thing. Admit it.
Go Knicks, Daily Intel
Dear George W. Bush:
Just apologize. Please.