Wherein we bring you the bad choices made by people more famous than you.
CRITICISM: Were we a highfalutin movie critic for a highfalutin newspaper, we would make it a point to watch the Oscars. At the very least, we don't think we'd let another writer at our very own newspaper divulge the fact that we often abstain. Then again, we're not A.O. Scott.
PUNDRITY: Were we the language columnist for the Times Magazine, we don't know that we would be quite so enamored of the term "Phrasedick," or that we'd combine it with a reference to our bulging e-mail box. (And we certainly wouldn't do it on Scrotum Day.) But, then, we're not William Safire.
POP STARITRY: Were we a famous blonde pop star, and were we trying to rebuild our reputation after a series of romantic missteps, we would probably not choose our comeback moment to shave our signature tresses. (We would especially avoid this move if we'd recently been displaying body parts that could lead to carpet-and-drapes questions.) But we're not Britney Spears.
MODELRY: Had we become the butt of transatlantic jokes for photographs showing us happily snorting cocaine, and had we inexplicably and immediately clawed our way back to success, we would not have chosen to crown our accomplishment with things involving sniffing — like, say, a signature scent. But we're no Kate Moss.