Judi, Judi, Judi

Among the skits to be put on by the city’s political journos at the upcoming Inner Circle roast is one featuring Judi Giuliani as a blow-up sex doll. Us Weekly, Star, and other weekly tabloids are upping their negative coverage of Brangelina because they are sick of getting scooped by People. A handful of people are angling for a portion of deceased Dr. Robert Atkins’s $600 million estate. Mike Bloomberg’s 98-year-old mother sometimes pretends she’s not related to him so people don’t ask her to hook their grandkids up with jobs. NBC’s Today show is losing serious ground to ABC’s Good Morning America and even CBS’s Early Show in the ratings game. Charlie Rose and Amanda Burden may not be broken up, despite reports they are. Jay-Z has plans to ink a deal with Champagne label Ace of Spades to replace Cristal as his drink of choice.

Quentin Tarantino made out with four girls at Butter for half an hour. Phil Spector claimed to have devils inside him in an interview two months before Lana Clarkson was shot. Lindsay Lohan signed a modeling contract with Jill Stuart. David Bowie bought his 60-year-old assistant a diamond ring. Joe Francis denies that he was punched in the head for chatting up a girl in a Miami club. Josh Hartnett and Penélope Cruz went on vacation to the Turks and Caicos, where Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher were also staying. Diaries presumably written by Anna Nicole Smith and containing pictures of her having sex with a girl and getting beaten, among other things, are being auctioned on eBay. John Travolta had to make an emergency landing in Ireland after the Boeing jet he was piloting from Germany to New York developed technical problems. 300 star Rodrigo Santoro asked a paparazzi to delete pictures of him posing with actresses Emily and Zooey Deschanel because he didn’t want to upset his girlfriend, and the photographer obliged. Kanye West referred to Sienna Miller as “a white girl I would take to the mosque.” Two porn stars are happy to have cameos in Will Ferrell’s Blades of Glory.