It may be the surplus, or the general vogue for do-goodery, but it's becoming increasingly hard not to feel the mayor's fatherly hand on our collective shoulder. In the last several months, we've been told to eat better, promised a little cash for good behavior, and handed free (and small) condoms. Next up, dry-cleaning tax credit, haircut subsidy, free antiperspirant? Not yet. But there is a new, $3 million gesture of love: free nicotine patches. The Health Department will be giving them away until May 15 to anyone who calls 311 and asks for one, as the Sun reports today; the patch-averse can pick up nicotine gum instead. You can apparently also use the cancer-ravaged vocal cords of a guy named Ronaldo to scare someone straight with an anti-smoking audio message. What a caring, and ever-so-slightly creepy, city we live in.