‘Times’ Couplets: Monogamy?

Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret messages from the paper of record.

On Gilded Sharks and Loverboys

Gotta Minute? So, There’s This Guy Tony …
Going With the Flow.

Enter an Old Rival, Again
Material Muse for Some Strange Bedfellows

(Latin Lovers)
Creatures More Slothful Than You and Me.

Three-Way Connection of Minds and Bodies;
Episodes of Vanity;

Whimsy Collides With Tragedy.
See You in Court, Sweetie!