Since U Been Making Him Money

Sony BMG chief Clive Davis doesn’t like Kelly Clarkson’s music, even though it makes his label a lot of money. Barbara Corcoran dropped trou for a bunch of people who commented that she’d lost weight. Ellen Barkin returned some diamonds she was loaned to wear to a Darfur benefit at Cannes at 3 a.m. Usher has taken to calling in radio stations to complain about hosts who make fun of his fiancée. President Bush promised a bunch of Vietnam vets that he’d read a book that alleges that Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, among others, were responsible for keeping soldiers in Southeast Asia even after the U.S. withdrew from the region. In her new book, former venture capitalist Christine Comaford-Lynch compares Barbara Walters to a small action figure.

Paris Hilton will not be included in an upcoming book on heiresses. Britney Spears waved at some paparazzi helicopters. Ozzy Osborne nixed a performance with Sanjaya Malakar because he thinks he’s a “hairstyle-challenged idiot.” John Kerry joked that Lindsay Lohan could be president in ten years. Lydia Hearst almost died after leaving a gas oven on in her room at the Chateau Marmont. Luke Wilson paid his typist $1.65 a page to type his new movie. Wilmer Valderrama and K-Fed may collaborate on Federline’s next album. Bobby Brown forgot the words to one of his songs. Christopher Hitchens contends he’s not a “fall-about drunk.” Sag Harbor eatery Mumbo Jumbo is changing its name to Black Buoy Bar & Grill. Real-estate investor Janna Bullock rented her Southampton home for the summer for $1 million. A black man who used to be a bodyguard for Mark Wahlberg complained that there are no black bodyguards on Entourage.