A Fannypackahontas Bought Her Outfit for $24 in Trinkets

Photo: Amina Akhtar

Species: The Fannypackahontas.
Etymology: A Fannypackahontas takes her fashion cues from a tribe that is clearly not her own (unless of course she's actually one-sixteenth something or other); she steals her look and style from Native Americans, making her a latter-day Peter Minuit. (Haven't these people suffered enough?)
Distinguishing characteristics: Fannypackahontases wear, well, fanny packs, a trend that should never have been resurrected. Unlike your grandmother's nylon sack, however, this one is all leather and sterling silver, even with studs, baby. The unfortunate placement of the fringe is intentional: Fannypacks worship one other idol, and that is Samantha from Sex and the City. The blonde hair, the come hither stance, the completely sheer top (and that is a top, not a dress), the exposed nips — this girl knows what she wants and, damn it, she wants it now. We should note that these women do have one thing going for them: great shoes.
Known locales: Kokopelli, loading up on more bangles; Rodeo bar.
Diet: Dakota bison burgers, anything with cactus in it, peyote.
How to approach: "So, what's in your pack?" Of course, you probably don't want to know.
Endangerment status: At risk. Remember what happened to the Lenape? —Amina Akhtar