Don’t Cry for Us, O.J. Simpson

O.J. Simpson had a ghostwriter for his never-released memoir, If I Did It (who’d have thunk it!) and even practiced a crying scene for his TV interview with Judith Regan. Barry Bonds’s ex-mistress, who has alleged that the slugger has used steroids, is shopping a tell-all and nude pictorial. Enrique Iglesias wishes he were gay. Nathan Lane wants to start a heterosexual pride parade, with George W. Bush as grand marshal. Jay McInerney is sick of telling people he broke his foot chasing after a taxi. Madonna didn’t invite Janet Jackson to sit at her booth at Butter, though she did hang out with Shakira. Also: Ashton, Demi, and Penélope were there. The flowers at the Waldorf-Astoria wedding of billionaire Russian heiress Angelina Anisimova and real-estate developer Ryan Freedman cost $1 million. John McCain didn’t wash his hands before leaving a restroom in East Hampton.

Jude Law threw ex-wife Sadie Frost a 42nd-birthday party and is even going on vacation with her and the kids. John Stamos seemed to be under the influence of some sort of substance during an interview in Australia. Al Gore’s youngest daughter, Sarah, is getting married at the Beverly Hills Hotel, not in Tennessee. Cameron Diaz apologized for carrying a bag in Peru emblazoned with a slogan from Mao Zedong. A reporter from a celebrity weekly was kicked out of L.A.’s Sunset Tower Hotel after getting busted for texting her office that Jennifer Aniston was there. Rufus Wainwright is not a fan of Beyoncé’s body of work. Nicole Kidman is the new face of Nintendo. The closet at Victoria Beckham’s L.A. home cost $500,000. (That’s not the contents. It’s the actual closet.) Police Academy star Steve Guttenberg had mega-agent David Falk’s mom for a Spanish teacher as a kid.