Britney, Not Okay

During a recent photo shoot for OK!, Britney Spears fondled herself, peed in public, and walked away with $21,267 in clothing. Jay-Z is considering jumping from Island Def Jam to Columbia Records, perhaps because Jermaine Dupri was named president of Island's urban music division. A lot of coarse language will have to be edited out of the roast of Flavor Flav when it's aired on Comedy Central. Lauren Bacall can't find herself a man who isn't already married. Judi Giuliani hosted a fund-raising cocktail party at the Ritz-Carlton in Battery Park. Tom Brady and Donald Trump played golf at Trump's club in Westchester. Scary Spice is starting to hint at "troubling aspects" of ex-husband Eddie Murphy's lifestyle, but she hasn't specific. An upcoming book on personal hygiene portrays the French as rather smelly.

One of Hugh Hefner's blonde girlfriends wants to have kids, but Hef isn't ready yet. Paula Zahn is officially leaving CNN. Guitarist Leslie West named his record company after his fiancée's breasts. Luke Wilson had to change his cell-phone number because Johnny Knoxville hired a plane to fly the digits across the sky on a banner. Kevin Federline will play a murder victim in an upcoming Keanu Reeves flick. Paris Hilton's Aussie beau Tyler Atkins mocked her in a photo on his MySpace page. Paula Abdul was fired from the movie Bratz, though her tearful reaction did make fodder for her reality show. A model-cum-D.J. named Sky Nellor is trying to transition to television, and it's not going so well. Anne Hathaway posed for a photo on Seventh Avenue.