JPRESS: Hey Chris! It's Friday, so instead of writing up the Gawker book parties we went to last night, how about we just IM about it and publish our whole conversation? Because, as you know, our readers are interested in our every thought and social maneuver.
CHRISTAL: That sounds great! Because you know I am so hung-over I don't even know how I'm going to get through the day.
JPRESS: Isn't that always the way with blogging? So! You were at Nick Denton's, which in my head I was calling the "adult party" because like, none of the editors were invited. But I guess they crashed?
CHRISTAL: You couldn't crash. There were three girls guarding the door. It was totally awkward when people who were uninvited showed up. Like me.
JPRESS: Did they frisk you? For weapons? Or, um, packages?
JPRESS: or pies?
CHRISTAL: They had metal clipboards. It was really intense. I saw one former Gawker editor just push right by them while they were looking for a name. AWKWARD.
JPRESS: Was it Jessica Coen? She is small but fierce. Did you not say her name because we work with her now?
CHRISTAL: Dude, she's sitting right there.
JPRESS: So anyway, I think it's sort of mean that the Gawker editors weren't invited to the party.
CHRISTAL: Oh, silly. They could watch the live feed of the party on the Website! That's the same thing as getting invited, isn't it?
JPRESS: Right! And at the "kids' party," or you know the after-party at Von that they had for Alex Balk, who is leaving, and Doree Shafrir, who full disclosure is my ex-roommate and totally one of my best friends, someone brought over a big aluminum trays of meatballs and, like, salmon hunks leftover from the real party. So I guess, um, that was nice.
CHRISTAL: They're so charitable. You didn't miss anything at the first party except for some books, a lot of candles, and Rachel Sklar. I stopped by the after-party after dinner with my boyfriend, I didn't see you.
JPRESS: Oh, really? I was going to text you to see if you were there, but of course I was WASTED because I'm a blogger now. Anyway, it was super-crowded! Alex Balk was walking around, holding aloft a painting someone had given him of his cock dressed in a tuxedo. He introduced me to the artiste, whose name I forgot instantly.
CHRISTAL: I didn't get inside because it was too crowded. I only wanted to show off my boyfriend to the gaggle of gays outside anyway.
JPRESS: Oh, my God, Ben Widdicombe's boyfriend is super-hot.
CHRISTAL: Wait, I've been wanting to meet Ben's boyfriend! I've heard he's gorgeous. (Remember, I have a boyfriend, too.)
JPRESS: He is! Except: (1) His name is Leslie, which, you know and (2) He told my friend he is an agent for "celebrity D.J.'s" which I refuse to believe is an actual job. And he doesn't even rep AM!
CHRISTAL: Did you bring your fiancé?
JPRESS: No, I didn't he was otherwise engaged. Also, I did not see Julia Allison, which I found deeply disappointing.
CHRISTAL: HA. Otherwise engaged. I met Julia Allison's boyfriend that they keep blabbing about on Gawker. He is shorter in real life.
CHRISTAL: Did you meet the new girl, Maggie?
JPRESS: No! I didn't meet Choire Sicha either. I feel like he's a character in this book I've been reading for, like, six years.
CHRISTAL: He is very cute and skinny lately.
JPRESS: Also apparently I am the last person on earth who does not know Rachel Sklar.
CHRISTAL: You know Rachel Sklar, you just don't know you know her. I think she doesn't like us because someone once wrote something mean about her on this blog.
JPRESS: Well, she and I have dated the same person. So I guess that I sort of know her. Like, we've basically had sex.
CHRISTAL: AWKWARD. You have better hair.
JPRESS: Wait, don't put that on the site, that thing about my having had sex with Rachel Sklar. Okay, back to the party. What did Choire say in his toast?
CHRISTAL: I don't know. I wasn't really listening. The bartender gave me a wine glass full of vodka, so I was pretty much checked out.
JPRESS: Well, I guess if you are really dying to know, you can watch the video. Oh! ITEM! Josh Stein of Gawker and Rachel Syme of Page Six the Magazine looked on the verge of canoodling. I mean, they were standing near each other, and it looked like they were talking about the other people at the party. That's like Blogger Foreplay.
CHRISTAL: I think Josh Stein is a gay, friend. I forced Choire to introduce me to him.
JPRESS: No, I don't think he is. I think he used to date Emily Gould. That also can't go on our blog because I don't know if I'm supposed to know that, or even why I know that.
CHRISTAL: Wait, WHAT? He's not a gay????
JPRESS: He is a ballet dancer, though. Again, I have no idea how I know this.
CHRISTAL: Man, if we don't get all the ballet dancers, what's the fucking point of being gay?
JPRESS: My leg itches.