Dear Jessica Seinfeld,
Hey Jess! It’s Chris and Jessica, the Daily Intel editors. You know, your friends. We met that one time at that thing and we’re friends and yeah. Anyway so this morning we were talking and we were like, why don’t we hang out with Jessica Seinfeld more? Because you know obviously we have a lot in common. Like, we live in New York. And we like a lot of the same things you do. Such as shoes. And um, we have brown hair too! And — duh! — you’re a writer, just like us. By the way, we really loved your book, Deceptively Delicious. We don’t have children or anything, but we like to make the spinach-filled brownies and feed them to our Pomeranian mix, Chas. (He’s our baby!) Oh, and, um, sorry about saying you were gross — that was our freelancer Neel. He’s dead to us. Oh, and putting up your picture alongside that post about the Craigslist whore looking for a sugar daddy was totally our photo editor’s idea. We had nothing to do with it. Um. Anyway, call us!
Love ya mean it!
PS: Don’t worry about the little plug we gave your book up there. We’re not expecting you to send us $20,000 worth of shoes like you did Oprah. Really! You shouldn’t! (We mean it, but it’s okay if you really want to.)