Parsing the Catsimatidis Dis in the ‘Times’

John Catsimitidis
Your next mayor? Photo: Getty Images

Today’s Times profiles mayoral candidate John Catsimatidis, who just switched parties to try for a Republican nomination. If you read very closely, you can catch subtle signs that writer Robin Finn is not taking his candidacy entirely seriously. See if you can spot some!

• Headline: “Another Billionaire Who Wants to Be a Mayor” [We're already cracking up.]
• Lede: “Those black plastic eyeglasses – reminiscent of the magnate Aristotle Onassis…” [Because he is, you know, GREEK. In the real world, Catsimatidis’s glasses look equally like Henry Kissinger’s or Alan Greenspan’s.]
• “But how the heck does their wearer… see a blessed thing? In focus, that is.” [Wow, what?]

• “Some guys pursue arm candy, he swoons for air candy.” [The author means private jets. We think.]
• “Mr. Catsimatidis, 59, whose support staff seems to lack an exercise/grooming guru, sports a pair of industrial-strength suspenders.” [Now that's just harsh.]
• “Mr. Catsimatidis is a hand grabber, an attention grabber, and a designer of themed ties... Maybe this year’s will feature a donkey head on an elephant’s body?” [Holy hell.]
• “No sooner had he held a March soiree [for Hillary], than he informed Mr. Clinton of his mayoral ambitions. Awkward!” [We give up.]

Come on, Robin Finn. What kind of story is this? You forgot to mention his name sounds like “Can’t See My Titties!”

Another Billionaire Who Wants to Be a Mayor [NYT]