Sarah Jessica Parker claims that she wasn’t hurt when Maxim named her the Unsexiest Woman Alive, but we detect a certain amount of defensiveness in her response, which came out in the London Sunday Express. “I believe in the old ‘sticks and stones’ philosophy, so frankly their words don’t come close to hurting,” the Sex and the City star said, but couldn’t help adding: “How many women wouldn’t want to step into the Manolos that are waiting for me in the wardrobe department every morning?” Not many, we bet! But it doesn’t matter. “What they don’t know is that one day I’ll wake up fat,” SJP explained. “But I’ll still be happy, just like I am now.” Hmmm. Two things: One, the idea that you could suddenly wake up obese, having gone to bed a toothpick, is really awesome. (Can we make a ray gun that does that to people? Can we test it out on Ann Coulter?) And two, Sarah Jessica Parker barely gained weight when she had an entire other human inside her. Remember all those skimpy outfits she wore in the dreaded pregnancy season of SatC? She’s too much of a workaholic — there’s no way that lady is ever going to wake up fat. Until, you know, we get our hands on that ray gun.
The Sexiest Put-Down [British Vogue]