The Cheating Long-Distance Girlfriend

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Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek at what your friends and neighbors are doing behind doors left slightly ajar. Today, the Cheating Long-Distance Girlfriend: 25, Harlem, (sort of) straight, in a relationship.

DAY ONE
7:15 a.m.: Running late but think about Joseph while standing over coffee pot. I’m in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend in Paris but recently had sex with Joseph for the first time. We spend a lot of time together.
10 a.m.: Phone call to boyfriend with sweet words and such.
12:17 p.m.: Joseph and I make loose plans to hang out later. Looking forward to the amazing sex, but I don’t want this to come between me and my boyfriend.
6:43 p.m.: Meet Joseph, friend, and one of friend’s random girlfriends for drinks in Chelsea. Horniness is running rampant. Joseph and I make out a lot.

9:15 p.m.: My place with Joseph. Nudity and dirty talk ensue. We have sex in front of the window in broad view of my neighbors and the busy street below. Joseph is impeccably endowed. I am wowed.
11:35 p.m.: Joseph leaves. I masturbate. I try not to think of my boyfriend.

DAY TWO
7:15 a.m.: Again running late but make time to masturbate, while fantasizing about a guy I see on the train, and doing it between train cars.
9:22 a.m.: Tell co-worker about me and Joseph. She passes no judgment and tells me I am young and not married yet. I tell her the sex is phenomenal. She says I deserve it.
10:08 a.m.: Send e-mail to boyfriend telling him what I’d like to do to him when I see him again next month. Next month seems so far off.
7:30 p.m.: Joseph comes by and brings marijuana. We partake and engage in great conversation and our clothes come off. I am not disappointed.
11:17 p.m.: Joseph leaves. I masturbate to girl-on-girl porn.

DAY THREE
6:45 a.m.: Not running late and plenty of time to masturbate in shower. Think about Joseph.
9:23 a.m.: Tell co-worker she looks like she’s glowing. I ask if she and her husband had a little romp last night. She blushes and says I’m so crass. What’s crass about fucking?
9:30 a.m.: Make a vow to not have sex with Joseph for a while because I may be getting in too deep. I know I will not uphold this vow. But the appearance of control, even if momentary, is good.
1 p.m.: Check e-mail and boyfriend has sent a particularly naughty message. He’s in the South of France.
7:17 p.m.: Order porn and kick myself for doing it (like I do each and every time) because even though I have access to it for six hours, I only watch it for ten minutes. $10.95 for ten minutes of hard-core girl-on-girl action is completely unacceptable.
9:30 p.m.: Roll a joint and listen to playlist that does nothing but make me horny. Tracks include “Anytime, Anyplace,” Janet Jackson and “You’re All I Need,” the Isley Brothers.
10:48 p.m.: Joseph calls and we talk.
11:17 p.m.: I call my boyfriend and we talk.
11:43 p.m.: I fall asleep with hands in pants.

DAY FOUR
9 p.m.: Masturbate. No porn, just imagination. Thanks to Joseph I’ve got lots of new material.
12:30 p.m.: Meet Joseph in midtown. We do the street-fair thing and get lots of junk food. We flirt a bit, and although I’m trying not to think of him and my knees touching my forehead, I do.
2:15 p.m.: Three Middle Eastern guys make a comment about my breasts, and Joseph gets a little territorial. That is quite arousing, his manly display and all.
6:47 p.m.: Joseph and I head back to my apartment. We don’t have condoms!!! He wonders why I’m not on the pill. I tell him it wouldn’t make a difference if I was on the pill or not, no glove, no love, buddy. We engage in some awesome foreplay.
9:39 p.m.: Roommate returns from her trip, and I notice that her breasts look especially yummy in the tank top she’s wearing. Joseph notices, too, and we exchange knowing sidelong glances.

DAY FIVE
6:45 a.m.: Up early and feeling rested. Plenty of time for personal intimacy this morning!
7:15 a.m.: Personal moment of happiness broken when boyfriend breaks up with me VIA E-MAIL. He cannot deal with the distance and acknowledges that “we want different things at this point in our lives.” Too bad it took him two and a half years to figure that out. I am torn.
7:45 a.m.: Take a vacation day and plan a pity party. Carbs, marijuana, and porn are on the guest list.
8:22 a.m.: Call Joseph and give him the news. He is super-supportive and tells me I should get out of the apartment. We make plans to meet at an art gallery downtown.
12:15 p.m.: Meet girlfriend for lunch in Brooklyn. She tries to console me. It’s not really working. I’m in a bit of shock.
2:30 p.m.: Meet Joseph for a burger and a beer. We make plans to go to Coney Island to ride the Wonder Wheel, but I decline because my boyfriend ex-boyfriend and I used to go there a lot.
6:30 p.m.: Head back to my house and am feeling extremely horny. I want to have sex, but I know I only want to in order to suppress my hurt feelings. Joseph knows this, too. He does not indulge me.
10 p.m.: I masturbate until my hand hurts.

DAY SIX
10 a.m.: Joseph calls to check in on me.
1 p.m.: Tell a co-worker about the breakup. She says it will take time to get over. Duh.
5 p.m.: Meet up with Joseph to visit a few gallery functions. We drink lots of wine, and I feel very sexy.
10 p.m.: Joseph kindly escorts me home and does not come up. He does however kiss me on the cheek and tells me he has something planned for us tomorrow.

DAY SEVEN
6:30 a.m.: I wake up early because a car alarm is going off. I try to masturbate, but I can’t stay focused. Damn alarm.
9:07 a.m.: Am Über-focused on fucking Joseph today. I suppose I’m trying to distract myself. The sex is really quite good.
10:37 a.m.: Masturbate at work but mission isn’t accomplished. Colleagues keep coming in and out and I can’t cum at all.
2:17 p.m.: Leave work early. Call Joseph to see if he wants to fuck meet up. He does and we do!
6:17 p.m.: Call my ex-boyfriend while Joseph is in the shower. He doesn’t answer. Joseph and I engage in fierce shower sex.
9:49 p.m.: Attempt to call my ex-boyfriend again and this time we talk. I cry and he explains. I eventually hang up. I try to masturbate but can’t. I try not to think of him, but I do.

Total: Eight acts of masturbation; three acts of intercourse; two aborted acts of masturbation; two uses of marijuana; two purchases of porn; one act of mutual oral sex; one e-mail breakup; one breakup pity party.