God bless the Wall Street Journal. Right when we really need it, they’ve provided us with a guide to gift ideas for billionaires. We’ve been spending this whole time fretting about what to get Mayor Bloomberg! Now we know that maybe a submarine would be a good idea. Or a private orchestra concert. The problem is, not all of the Journal’s ideas would work for Bloomberg. They suggest an image consultant or a philanthropic adviser, but clearly he doesn’t need those. And a commissioned biography (“It’s perfect for that someone who is no one but made a billion dollars selling his widget business”) is out the window, too, because at some point we want him to pay us to ghostwrite that crap. But we could try to buy him the old Astor Beechwood estate in Newport. Or, you know, the 300-karat, $18 million diamond necklace that is selling at Sotheby’s. But none of those really feel right. Gosh, what does Bloomberg need right now? What can we get our favorite mayor of Munchkinland?
Oh, right. A new Lexus.