CNBC to Roger Ailes: ‘Nanny Nanny Boo Boo’

MEDIA
• Despite Roger Ailes's declaration that Fox Business Channel would start a “revolution” against rival business channel CNBC, this war appears to have petered out after a skirmish: Only about 6,300 people a day, on average, watch the babes of FBN, compared to the 283,000 who tune in to CNBC for that dreamy hunk Charlie Gasparino. [NYT]
• Let the stunts begin! David Letterman plans to shave off his beard on the air next Monday: "Can we get a guy in here Monday to shave me? Now, a good guy, because the last time we did this, I looked like—when he was done, I looked like I'd been in a knife fight." No word yet on whether Conan O'Brien, who's writers unlike Letterman's are still on strike, will lose his whiskers. Meanwhile, Nation editor Katrina Vanden Heuvel turned down Colbert's invite to appear on his show, showing solidarity with the strikers. [NYDN, NYO]
• The Writers Guild is facing its own little labor problem: The East Coast branch's internal staff claims that the contract they signed back in October was later changed without their permission. Let's see, what's that word … something writers always love. Oh, right, irony. [NYP]

FINANCE
• Merrill Lynch gave a few traders a big bonus for showing up early to work: layoffs, starting at 7 a.m. [DealBreaker]
• State Street, an investment manager with $2 trillion in pensions funds, fired top executive William Hunt after several "risk-free" investments started imploding. The company also set aside $618 million to deal with potential lawsuits. [NYT, Fortune]
• Want to know why banks are so wary about making Steven Schwarzman mad? His firm paid $646 million in banking fees last year. [Deal Journal/WSJ]

LAW
• A suspiciously high number of Francis Morrissey's clients, including Brooke Astor and Elizabeth von Knapitsch, left large bequests to him in their wills. Something tells us that won't be good when Morrissey and Astor's son show up in court. [NYT]
• Big Law associates, looking to channel your inner rebel without pissing off the partners? Here's how to go "in-cog-neato." We suggest you start by offing whoever wrote this stupid article. [Fulton County Daily Report]
• Barack Obama was once nothing but a lowly associate. He billed at $165 an hour. What a loser! [NYP]

FASHION
• The models in the new Dior Homme ads look like "killers." To Karl Lagerfeld, at least. [WWD]
• Justin Timberlake is rumored to be the face of Parfums Givenchy. Hey, we wouldn't mind smelling like Justin. [British Vogue]
• Model fanatics are in a tizzy: The new Pirelli calendars are out and feature Sasha, Gemma, Agyness, Coco, and more. [Fashionista]