It's Twelve Degrees and You Have to Deal With the Iowa Caucus. There's Only One Way to Survive Today.

Drinking Liberally
Photo: Photo Illustration: iStockphoto (tv, beer), Getty Images (Huckabee)

You know what the Iowa caucus makes us want to do? Other than throttle every single smug, pie-eating, overpolled, overfriendly "I's real folks y'all" person who lives in that state? It makes us want to drink. Unluckily for us, we have to follow the caucus all day long for work. But luckily for us, we can drink and follow the action in the Corn Belt. It turns out that Drinking Liberally, the progressively soused political group, will be partying at Rudy's this afternoon. “As long as the Iowans are going to be deciding the fate of the free world out in the freezing Midwest, at least I can be watching it with friends,” DL co-founder Justin Krebs told Metro. They'll even be playing drinking games, like chugging every time Fred Thompson licks his lips. Those liberals: so wacky!. Meanwhile, the young Republicans will be gathering at O'Lunney's, alongside a different Democratic group. They'll be serving drinks in red and blue Solo cups, so you can tell who is supporting whom. Which is all well and good, but we're going to need some serious drinking by the end of the day. We can already tell. If we're going to go through all this anxiety and just come out with an indecisive result, we're going to need to be mainlining Smirnoff by 8 p.m. So, exasperated moderates, meet us at Tompkins Square Park after work to drink yourselves to death. We'll bring the Pong Along. We hear Bloomberg has a mean Beirut drop shot.

It's Party Time As Iowa's Set to Caucus [Metro NY]