Finally. America's exhaustive wait is over. Jennifer Lopez, shortly after midnight, expelled her heaven-sent twins from her womb, bestowing their glory unto the world. According to the Associated Press, a 5-pound, 7-ounce girl popped out first, followed a few minutes later by a 6-pound brother. We know that you have a lot of questions: are they healthy? What are their names? Will People really pay $4-6 million for their first mug shots? Is her vagina totally broken now? Unfortunately, we won't know these answers for a few weeks, until People runs an airbrushed picture of Jennifer's glowing face inches away from the tots, with a coverline somehow involving the word "joy." All we know for sure are these two things: One, that those two babies, by virtue of being fraternal boy-and-girl twins, are going to be the awesomest Hollywood hellraisers ever. And two, J.Lo is going to drop that baby weight faster than you can say "Natalia Vodianova is on back on the catwalk." Even though she was totally a hot pregnant lady, her size was beginning to terrify us a little.
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