Bring Us the Babies of Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez
Baaaaaaaaaaaabies. Photo: Getty Images

So…is anyone else wondering where the eff Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's babies are? "Page Six" told us yesterday that she had checked into Long Island's North Shore University Hospital, a story that was picked up by media outlets worldwide. We were expecting today would be filled with rapturous BABY JOY! But it's been at least 39 hours since she supposedly checked into the hospital, and no gossip magazine shepherds have announced the arrival of the Lo-Anthony twins. Is this the longest labor ever? God, that must suck. We called North Shore University Hospital to see what the holdup was. "Jennifer Lopez?" said the woman who answered the phone. "She's not here. Definitely not." Oh. Well. This we were not expecting. Did "Page Six" lie to us? Did the woman from the hospital? She didn't sound like she was lying. Is it possible she didn't know J.Lo was there? How do you hide a seven-ton pop star? All we can tell you is that J.Lo either snuck away to Namibia or she is not actually in labor yet. Lopez's rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnick, did not respond to an e-mail asking if J.Lo's cervix was indeed dilated and, if so, by how many centimeters. We can't imagine why.

Related: Nation, Gird Your Loins: The Lopez-Anthony Twins Cometh