There’s much to love about Cindy Adams’s gossip column in the Post, but arguably the most charming thing is the way in which it is infused with her personality. The column isn’t even really about gossip, it’s about Cindy: She writes about things that she likes (dogs) and things that she dislikes (profanity), things that happen to her and things that affect her personally. And as regular readers of her daily insane ramblings, we have come to feel a sense of familiarity with her life and doings. But what are we to make of this item at the bottom of her column today? “Whoever’s missing that marijuana shipment, here’s what happened to it,” she begins.
A giant truck carrying Foxy lettuce from California pulled into a Stop & Shop in Norwalk, Conn. Nestled amongst the load, differing only in that its wrappings lacked the routine bar code, a 5-pound stash of what turned out to be not lettuce. Plant, yes; lettuce, no. Three similar trucks bound for New England Stop & Shops also carried this same kind of 5-pound bag. Authorities grabbed the truckers but, since they’d just backed their empty cabs up to the load and hooked on, they were released. Mary, Mary, quite contrary, wow does your garden grow!
We don’t know about you, but when we read this, every single time we have picked up Cindy’s column and said to ourselves, “What is this crazy lady talking about? What’s with this sentence? Is she on something?” flashed before our eyes and we realized: “Whoever” is missing their pot shipment is Cindy. This explains everything. Also for our money “foxy lettuce” is the best euphemism for weed since “wacky tobacky.”
Cindy Adams [NYP]