Moby: Stealth Slut?

Moby

Moby is the Burt Reynolds of the aughts.Photo: Getty Images

Today Moby reminded "Page Six" about his "brief affair" with Natalie Portman. We don't know about you, but we didn't know and had never imagined that Moby had had an affair, brief or otherwise, with Natalie Portman, because what? Moby is a short, bald vegan from Connecticut. Natalie Portman is a Japanese-speaking Harvard graduate and total babe whom most of America has lusted after since she was 13 years old. But then again, we've heard this kind of thing about Moby before. Like, a lot. In fact we know several people who have sipped his Teany, if you know what we mean, and we don't even know that many people. "I guess in some people's eyes, [nerds] might be mildly sexy — and, as a nerd, I'm certainly happy to enjoy some of the effects of that," he told the Post. We couldn't have said it better ourselves. Moby is the type of dude who gets laid all the time, precisely because he doesn't look like he ever gets laid. He's pale and small and sensitive and a decent amount of famous, and he remembers your name, and only later do you find out that he is actually a Master Pickup Artist. You, Moby, get a medallion. And from now on, Daily Intel decrees that all men who look unassuming and are later revealed to be sluts shall be called "Mobys."

Nerd Envy [NYP]
Related: Jonathan Ames to Bring Moby, Nudity to Pitkin's for a Rematch